Trapdoor Zombie

While Peeling Carrots

2008-11-06T17:07:00.002-06:00

"Mommy!"

(Looking up from reading Latour's "Reassembling the Social") "Yes?"

"When we are finished making dinner, say Thank You, ok?"

"Ok. Can I say Thank You now?"

"No."

Happy Birthday Mr. President

2008-11-02T10:22:00.001-06:00

I am an election baby. Every year my birthday is on or near election day.

But no cards, gifts, or cake please. JUST VOTE. That would be the best birthday gift ever.

Playing Spore?

2008-11-01T13:58:00.001-05:00

You know you are. We know you are. Look for us under the handle "DonGusano". If you friend us, our creatures will appear at random to be your mortal enemies, allies, and pets.

DG's are the ones with eyes in inappropriate places that he insists are NOT penis creatures. Mine are red and/or have too many legs.

Enjoy.

Fudge-based diets

2008-10-31T10:44:00.003-05:00

DG, Teh N00b and I all went recently to a wedding in Mackinaw City, Michigan. This small tourist town has an entirely fudge and pastie based economy. (Not pastries, mind you. PASTIES. If you'd been to the UK you know what I am talking about).

But seriously, fudge everywhere. Fudge stores line the streets. Even places that don't make fudge, sell it. "Pizza! and fudge." "Fashion accessories! and fudge." "Fudge! and fudge."

Amazing. It's been a long time since I've eaten that much sugar.

Teh N00b is clearly my kid, because he would suddenly declare, whenever we were outside a fudge shop (amazing how 3-year-olds figure out which ones they are -- must be those marble slabs) that he was hungry. And he would do his little whine, "I want something to eat..."

When we got back to Chicago, I thought my attempt to exercise and lose weight would be completely shot. But I got on the scale and... I had lost another 4 pounds.

WTF?! I am going on an all fudge diet.

Holier than thou

2008-10-28T16:55:00.004-05:00

Wow. I've just been bitched out by some greenie who thinks my urban gardening, vermicomposting, waiting-for-the-bus ways put me in the same category with people who super-commute from the burbs in their SUVs. Why? Because I dared -- DARED! -- to suggest that bicyclists should ride sober and follow the rules of the road.

Wow. And I thought I was judgemental!

UPDATE: Our greenie from Canada came back, and -- surprise! -- we had more in common than we thought. Welcome, Justin!

Feminist extremism

2008-10-16T09:43:00.002-05:00

Am I the only person who was bothered by McCain in the debates labeling women's health as an "extremist" position? Regardless of how one feels about abortion (and I think most reasonable people on both sides have mixed feelings), most feel that abortion should be permitted when the mother's health is in danger. For McCain to call this "extremist" is deeply troubling.

Humor me for one second...

2008-10-10T10:47:00.003-05:00

I just have to say this. To someone. But you know, it's not the kind of thing I'd want to put on MySpace. So friends-o-mine, sorry.

I've mentioned before that I've been working out. But seriously, I feel great. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week, run for 40 minutes, lift some weights. Nothing very impressive, but... I've lost four pounds and one belt notch! Go me!

I'm really not, you know, a crazy weight-obsessed body-image-problem type, but you know, I feel like I'm accomplishing something. The dissertation never gives me that feeling, darn it!

OK... back to serious stuff, sorry.

Sarah Palin destroyed my sofa, or, you call THAT empathic?!

2008-10-03T10:38:00.006-05:00

This morning I woke up to find that Teh N00b had opened three cartons of yogurt, eaten half of each one without mixing them, then dunked two wooden cars into one and run them all over the back of the sofa and the coffee table, leaving yogurt tracks everywhere.

It was like the Palin-Biden debates.

She avoided any substance by leaving it untouched at the bottom of the yogurt carton, then smeared sweet goop everywhere, making a mess.

I don't understand anyone who thinks that Palin is charismatic, charming, or likeable. Because at the moment that Biden was recalling what must have been one of the most painful moments of his life -- the death of his first wife and young daughter in a car accident -- she failed to respond. At all. A simple, "I imagine that must have been a difficult time for you" -- anything -- would have done. But she just launched into blathering about McCain. (See the video here, it happens at 2:45).

Was she not listening? Did she not know how to respond to another's suffering? Does she not care?

DG thinks that this was a planned slip on Biden's part, an attempt to show his human side. Maybe, maybe not. But it doesn't matter. Biden's suffering was and is real, even if it happened a long time ago. If Palin can't respond to the suffering of someone standing in front of her, then how the hell can she empathize with the American public?!

Literalist Baby

2008-09-29T08:45:00.003-05:00

I have to share a couple of comments from Teh N00b (Mom, Dad, Brother -- this means "Squeakers" -- since you probably are wondering why the heck I sent you this link. )

The Literal Baby Phase is pretty funny.

A week ago we went to a party at a house with small kids. Teh N00b brought the indoor toys outside -- specifically, a toy bulldozer. He wanted to take it in the sandbox. I thought maybe the parents of the house wouldn't want their indoor toys full of sand (turns out, they didn't seem to mind). So I told him he couldn't play with it in the sand.

He turned to me, very serious, and said "But! It has to scoop something!"

Then yesterday we were in a restaurant. A waiter invited him and His Best Friend In the Whole World to ice cream. He brought out the ice cream and Teh N00b (with a little prompting) thanked him. Later, a different waiter came by to ask the boys if they liked their desserts. "Tell the waiter it's good," I prompted him.

"But he didn't bring it!" Teh N00b responded.

I have to hand it to him, Teh N00b has great comedic timing. I don't think I've ever seen a waiter laugh so hard!

Now we just need to get him over his stage fright. At his "Noah's Ark" puppet play, he just stood and stared at me the whole time the other kids were singing and jumping, like, "What the heck are you and all these other people doing here, anyway?"

A Loving Mother? Take Two

2008-09-04T16:28:00.004-05:00

Well, turns out Marion might be right (see the comments) -- Trig is probably Palin's kid. Even Daily Kos has taken down the article, and shame on them if they published photos with incorrect dates.

But it's too bad, because I really liked that story about Palin far better than the one she is actually telling.

If the rumors had been true that Trig was her grandchild, I would have had far more respect for Palin. It's true she would have used her influence to cover up the truth, which shows questionable judgment. But it would have shown someone who was willing to take a fall for the love of her child. That as a mother, Palin was willing to sacrifice for her daughter's mistake.

Instead, we have Palin using her daughter -- and her daughter's shotgun fiance -- as a political pawn. She wants her daughter to make the sacrifice -- both a too-soon baby and a too-early marriage -- for her mother's political career. Palin knows that a divorce would come after the election, so what does she care if it doesn't work out?

In my book, that's selfish. So you have a pregnant daughter, ok. But parading her around as evidence for your conservative viewpoint? Dragging the 17-year-old boyfriend to MN so he can prove to conservatives that he'll do the "right thing"? What do his parents think?

They are both just kids and Palin should keep them out of the spotlight.

Meanwhile, curiouser and curiouser about Palin's own youth. Five colleges in six years?! That's just weird.

A Loving Mother?

2008-09-01T10:44:00.003-05:00

Hmmmm.

Rumors are circulating that VP nominee Palin's last child is biologically her grandchild. The evidence, if true and undoctored, raises the question -- but in the photoshop era, can photos be believed?

Far be it for me to criticize someone "not looking pregnant," since some guy tried to pick me up for a date when I was at seven months. Sitting with legs crossed, it's amazing how many people won't notice that belly. (I was so swollen at that point I had to stop wearing my wedding ring, so you can't fault him on that point.)

I'm pro-choice, and I wouldn't vote for McCain/Palin in a million years on that and many other reasons. But I will give her credit -- assuming any of this is true -- for not being a hypocrite. If one is pro-life, then that means one should support women having children under difficult situations. In this case (if true) she took the burden (emotional and financial) off her daughter so that the latter can continue with her education and life.

Of course, it would be better for all of us to avoid these cases altogether. That means supporting BIRTH CONTROL -- in high schools, for starters. Sex ed in junior high schools. Condoms everywhere, free and accessible so that my local drug store doesn't have to keep them under lock and key to stop kids for stealing them.

But even then, there will be some teenage pregnancies. They happen. Should Palin be lying about it? Should her daughter? No. But lots of other parents -- pro-life parents -- would have turned a blind eye to an abortion. Or forced an adoption, a marriage, or thrown the daughter out of the house.

Palin may have done the old-fashioned thing of taking on her grandchild as her own. Maybe that proves she is the kind of mother she claims to be.

(That still isn't enough to make her VP, in my book, but hey, credit where credit is due.)

People's Gas, Eco-hypocrites

2008-08-26T18:04:00.004-05:00

No offense, but this is bullshit.

People's Gas has had ads all over the CTA claiming they want YOU to reduce energy use. They claim on their website that they take an "aggressive stance regarding the use of energy and its impact on the environment."

So how come People's Gas vans are parked and idling their engines everywhere I go? As I write, there is one outside my house that has had its energy running, windows open (so it's not even for the A.C.) for 45 minutes. This is typical.

If you want to reduce energy use, People's Gas, start at home. Get your drivers to turn off their engines while parked. It's really simple. After 10 seconds, you are wasting more gas idling than turning off the engine (unless your car is hella old).

Frankly, Americans complaining about high gas prices doesn't ring true to me. If gas prices were sooooo high I wouldn't see people idling while they eat lunch, snack, or make phone calls. Heck, in other places of the world I saw drivers turn off their engines to coast downhill.

Now that's taking conservation seriously.

Praying for Democratic Representation among the Heavenly Host

2008-08-12T18:24:00.005-05:00

I hate to break it to this guy, but it doesn't matter how many people you can convince to pray for rain during Obama's acceptance Democratic nominee speech. God is going to do whatever It wants with the weather regardless.

And conservative Christians ought to be really, really glad that God's will is not by majority vote. Because if it is? Then we should convert to Roman Catholicism. They are in the majority, after all.

Seriously, though.

I don't think any one religion has a monopoly on truth. Nor is any religion devoid of truth. But personally, I don't believe in intercessional prayer (i.e., asking God to do things for you) because I think if you believe in an Almighty Being, then you certainly don't need to tell it what to do; it already knows and has decided one way or the other.

But this isn't about this man's relationship to God; it's about his relationship to other Christians. The act of convincing people to pray for something mildly irritating to happen to Obama is a political act, an act of solidarity. So why not just tell them to vote?!

Full time work

2008-08-12T12:16:00.003-05:00

A college is experimenting with no classes on Fridays. I'm all in favor, but let's be clear -- this isn't really a four-day work week, as the title implies. It just means that faculty and students work from home on Fridays (and, in the case of the former, probably weekends as well), saving on commuting costs, while the college saves on energy costs.

I'm in favor of less commuting and saving energy, and I think this is win-win situation. But I object to this being portrayed by the media as "less work" for college teachers. Even when I only teach two days a week, I work full time. Most of the work teachers do is not in the classroom.

This kind of coverage just adds to the idea that it's ok to pay teachers less, because they don't really work "full time."

Security Books

2008-08-10T21:12:00.003-05:00

Teh N00b has never been into "lovies," stuffed animals, or other soft, cuddly things that are supposed to give infants comfort as they go to sleep. He has, for years (he's now a ripe old three years, after all) slept with books. Even before he could memorize and recite them (the stage he's at now), he would demand they stay in bed after we read them to him.. If we forgot, he would get out of bed to retrieve them. We always find him asleep, a book under his head, or on top of his head, or tucked under his arm, or under his body.

Geez, it's like he's the one writing the d*** dissertation.

Tonight I put him to bed, and it got quiet, so after reading 30 pages on neoliberalism I went up to recover the books and slip them back under his bed, like I do every night. I tip-toe in. It's dark, he's still -- "Tough Trucks" between his head and the pillow, "Dazzling Diggers" under his arm.

As I approach, I hear a little voice, quiet but insistent: "My books."

Ooops. Too soon.

So I sneak out with a chuckle. An hour later I go back. He's rolled over, face up with the book open to truck drivers beneath him. As lift his head to move the book, he startles and whines, "My books!" then immediately goes back to sleep when I put the book beside him.

I wonder when I'll have to break it to him that eventually you have to stop reading and start writing. I guess I'll wait until he's four.

Home-less - but happy! - dog owner

2008-08-05T20:52:00.002-05:00

Huh?

Ok, I can understand loving your pet. Maybe even enough to clone it. But selling your house to clone your pet who's been dead for two years?

Michel Callon and the Elliptical Machine

2008-08-02T15:12:00.000-05:00

I've been reading Michel Callon recently -- he's a science studies guy, interested in exploring the systems created by both human and non-human actors. "Non-human actors" include things like machines, technology, and... elliptical machines?!

I mentioned before that I am becoming a proto-gym-rat. On my second day at the gym, I mistakenly pushed the "cardio" button. It was ok for a while. Me and the machine, human and non-human actors, me running, it pumping, lights flashing.

And then the resistance goes way up. I'm pushing down with all my feeble might, flabby leg muscles straining.

RESUME WORKOUT

"What?"

RESUME PEDALING

Dammit, I AM pedaling!

NO, SERIOUSLY, FEEL FREE TO START EXERCISING ANYTIME.

This is where I decided to exert my humanness and lower the resistance on the machine with the little electronic button, so that I could, in fact, bend to its dominating will. And after that the pedaling went very well, thank you.

Scientologist Pharmacists, Unite!

2008-07-31T15:28:00.003-05:00

Bush and Friends (TM) is once again trying to make it acceptable for pharmacists to "object" (read: not do their jobs) to dispensing birth control and emergency contraception to women.

Let's not mince words: this is stupid and immoral. The vast majority of American women want (and exercise) the right to birth control, and pharmacists do not (IMHO) have the right to interfere in any decisions between doctors and patients of either gender. It is their job to dispense medications correctly, not make judgments or diagnoses. If they can't do that, they should find another job.

But if this passes, it raises a serious question. Can a Scientologist pharmacist who does not believe in chemical treatments for depression and other mental illnesses refuse to dispense Prozac?

Unfortunately, conservative Christian backers of these kinds of things often don't think through these kinds of legal consequences. Laws, after all, apply to everyone, not just (one definition of) the Chosen Few.

Gym-Rat-in-training

2008-07-29T16:38:00.003-05:00

I always hated gyms, so I never went. But a couple days ago I hit a low point with the dissertation. Really low. And I thought, screw this. I'm not happy with things the way they are, so something has to change -- and I don't mean the font on this d*** thing. I need my life to recenter itself.

So, DG dragged me to a gym.

And I got on the elliptical machine.

And I liked it.

Flashback to college -- my roommate (hi there!) would go to gyms and talk about her amazing feats of stairmaster-ly endurance. Of course, she looked (and looks -- nothing has changed) a lot better than me because of that.

Now, I'm not competing with her -- we're talking 20 minutes at a time; it's hardly military-training type stuff I'm doing here. And I don't really care about changing my appearance -- although that would be ok. But seriously, I felt better all day. I even wrote more. It was amazing.

So, maybe I'll become a gym rat after all.

Punk by Proxy

2008-07-28T10:00:00.000-05:00

I was invited to a clothing swap several months ago, where people who have more fashion in their little toe share their cast-offs with the clothing clueless such as myself. I took a bag of clothes to give away, but no one wanted any of them. One was a professional outfit I bought in the early 1990s, probably designed in the late 1980s, complete with shoulder pads. Someone modeled it (I no longer can fit into it) but no one took it home. In the words of another participant: "Yeah, I think we all had that substitute teacher."

There were bags and bags of leftover clothes. Some were saved for next year, in the hopes that someone will then both fit into and wear with pride items like the red leather pants with a dragon blazoned across the butt. Practical things were sent to The Spouse's hospital workplace to be given away. The rest? Donated.

Of course, I went home with two bags of clothes, and hopefully enough courage to wear them. I'm a conservative dresser, but truth is I wish I were a punk. I dyed part of my hair purple a few months ago but... no one noticed. Disappointing, to say the least.

Dr. Horrible and the sex lives of love interests (spoiler alert!)

2008-07-22T09:40:00.006-05:00

Well, I'll lose my cred if I don't say something about the sexy, sexy Dr. Horrible. Who already HAS his Ph.D., thank you very much.

I loved it. The characters are quirky and loveable, the music is infectious (I can't get "All the birds are singing THAT YOU'RE GONNA DIE" out of my head). I loved, loved, loved the groupies (which is why I picked the only banner where they appear). I'll admit I was skeptical for the first 60 seconds, but in the end I watched it twice.

If you haven't seen it, do. But stop reading now.

Ok, now the feminist meta commentary. And spoilers. You are warned!

There is something about the (always female) love interests of superheroes and supervillians. They can date the wrong people. They can get engaged to the wrong people. They can even get to the alter in a white dress before realizing this is the wrong person. But they MAY NOT HAVE SEX with the wrong person.

I never thought about this until it became clear that Penny had slept with Captain Hammer. And then my gut said, "She and Dr. Horrible will never be an item now. I wonder how they are going to resolve that." I actually thought that perhaps she would wind up rejecting them both and walking away from the whole superhero/supervillian scene. But it was clear to me that Dr. Horrible's crush would be forever unrequited. (The actual resolution was very interesting and well done; my point is only that there are certain unspoken rules for the genre as a whole.)

Of course, this is a trope in comic books but not in real life, where people (male and female) sleep with the wrong people all the time, and those who really love them often forgive them for it. But there is something about the women of super-guys that invokes the mores of a patriarchy. Their sexuality is restricted; pre-martial sex can only lead to marriage... or death.

Discuss.

Zen Parenting

2008-07-18T11:25:00.002-05:00

If Teh N00b weren't so darn big, he would totally do this. I've got to hand it to that mom, she's got the Zen thing down. No sense of panic from her, just "Oh yeah, she does this sometimes." It's something to aspire to.

Little Shop of Horrors, on my roof

2008-07-14T22:05:00.000-05:00

DG came home from our recent trip a little sooner than I did. One of those nights we spoke on the phone, and I asked him if he had checked our vegetables, which grow in a large box on the roof.

There was a long pause, and I knew immediately that he hadn't. "I probably should do that," he said, quickly adding that it had rained quite a bit the week we were gone.

"Be careful. It might have turned into a Little Shop of Horrors up there," I warned him.

Truer words were never spoken. Since we compost, seeds wind up in the fertilizer and sometimes grow. Usually we pull them out, but when I saw a couple of squash-like plants, I figured I'd leave them and see what they turned out to be.

In two weeks these plants grew from cute little things with a couple of leaves, into a monstrous patch, four feet high and wide, shading everything else in the planter with leaves the size of two hands together atop stalks covered in small spines. While unpleasantly prickly, they do have lots and lots of flowers, and what looks like it might be the beginning of some sort of squash-like fruit.

So, I dutifully cut back the leaves and left the flowers and fruits. Because if anything is going to give Teh N00b superpowers, this will definitely be it. I'll leave it to greater minds (you know who you are) to decide what kind of costumed crime-fighting can come out of this.

Oh, Mr. Savage will know they are Christians....

2008-07-13T19:41:00.000-05:00

...by the fact that they entice teenagers to pray with the chance to win a semiautomatic assault rifle.

Just because the Bible says you can't (shouldn't?) murder anyone DOESN'T mean you shouldn't be prepared. Amen.

Fox guarding the chicken coup: "helping" gambling addicts

2008-07-11T21:42:00.005-05:00

Unfortunately, my camera broke during a recent trip. Nothing happened to it; it just gave up the ghost after six years. Can't blame it. It survived two years in high, dry, dusty mountain environs on pure adrenaline born of thrilling ethnographic photography. Then had to come home and take endless boring snapshots of yet another baby doing normal baby s**t. I think I'd give up too, if I were a camera.

Anyway, it's too bad, because I saw the weirdest thing today. It was an ad on a bus for a casino within driving distance of Chicago -- very flashy, with attractive people surrounded by coins and tickets and other symbols of winning it big. On the bottom, in small print, was written, "Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-9WITHIT."

Now, plugging this number into a search engine, this phone number comes up in the same context associated with a number of casinos and other gambling venues. So at first I thought that maybe it was a legal requirement to include it, just like we "need" to remind smokers that smoking is bad for them. This surely was a national help hotline. Or some other organization dedicated to helping addict gamblers.

But no. This number actually listed as an alternative number FOR A CASINO. The Horseshoe Casino in Hammond (Indiana), to be specific. Because they (and Harrah's, their owner) care about "responsible gaming."

Now, isn't this asking the fox to watch the chicken coup? Should we really trust casinos to "help" people stop gambling, seeing how, you know, that's how they make their money?

Lincoln Park Zoo takes on the childhood obseity epidemic

2008-06-30T12:27:00.000-05:00

At the Lincoln Park Zoo in their farm section they have a space about the weather -- where they have a TV set to the Weather Channel, live, all day. Because that ways kids can learn important things like:

... how to diet with the help of overpriced pre-packaged meals!

This is especially ironic given the commitment of the zoo cafeteria to healthy children's meals:

Excuse the fuzziness of the picture, but yes, that's "Cookies" listed first under the "Healthy Kids Meal." Cookies with trans-fats in them, I should add (Really. I checked the label).

But because they say its healthy, parents buy it (including myself). Apparently for the Lincoln Park Zoo, "healthy" means "we'll throw in an apple." Which is better than soda-pop, I suppose.

"Compostable Plastic," take two

2008-06-27T12:24:00.000-05:00

Well, the "compostable plastic" has gone through another round in my worm bin, but it's still completely intact. So, we'll give it another cycle....

Homer the Astronomer

2008-06-24T23:20:00.006-05:00

Some well-meaning astronomers (Marcelo Magnasco of the Laboratory of Mathematical Physics at Rockefeller, and Constantino Baikouzis of the Observatorio Astronómico in La Plata, Argentina) are trying to date the events in Homer's Odyssey based on scattered mentions of astronomical events, such as a solar eclipse. One of these events is their astronomical interpretation of Homer's report of the actions of a god (see the link above). The gods, rationalized out of their own divinity, become merely stars; I'm sure Homer would disagree.

Clearly Drs. Magnasco and Baikouzis have not read the work of Albert Lord (who is not cited in their article), who developed the theory of "oral formulaic theory" to address the question of how Yugoslavian bards -- and ultimately, Homer -- could create long works of oral history.

In short, when the article about these astronomers talks about what Homer "wrote," therein lies the problem.

Homer did not write. Most likely, he sang. Someone wrote it down, sure, but the Illiad and the Odyssey were not, at heart, written documents. Homeric details such as astronomical events are not pieces of data passed down from one document to the next (albeit sans citations) but rather poetic devices, employed because of their rhyme scheme, cadence, or poetic nature. The fact that Homer mentions an eclipse does not mean it happened at that time -- Homer wasn't there, after all (by his own admission). Someone saw an eclipse at some point, and it has probably worked its way into this tale independently of its timing in relation to the events Homer was relating.

Assuming, of course, that Homer was relating "history" in the western sense at all. But even if he was relating a history of "true" events, we know from other oral traditions that compression is common in oral histories of the distant past. Famous people, even though they lived generations apart, suddenly appear in the same stories fighting over women and waging war. Events are conflated: three wars become one. This doesn't mean that oral history isn't significant, meaningful, or interesting. But it isn't written history, and it can't be mapped neatly onto a Gregorian calendar.

The Drs. justify their admitedly shaky interpretation by saying that they are simply trying to promote reading:

"Even though there are historical arguments that say this is a ridiculous thing to think about, if we can get a few people to read The Odyssey differently, to look at it and ponder whether there was an actual date inscribed in it, we will be happy," Magnasco says.

They seem to have missed the point. Getting people to read (in a literate society, anyway) and think (anywhere) is a good idea. But they are projecting their assumptions about literacy back onto Homer -- ignoring completely the fact that he most likely did not think like modern literate people, let alone astronomers. They assume that his work can be taken out of the context in which it was produced -- that they can analyze the data without knowing the conditions that produced it. Last time I checked, scientists were pretty careful to explain their methodologies. Wouldn't you want to know Homer's methods before taking his data at face value?

So astronomers, please. Stay out of folklore studies, and I'll promise not to start requesting time on the Very Large Array. Deal?

Matthew Sunshine

2008-06-24T12:10:00.000-05:00

We were walking on the Northwestern campus the other day and came across this:

A memorial to undergraduate Matthew Sunshine, found dead of alcohol intoxication, although we didn't know that at the time. I stopped to read what Matthew's fellow students had written about him. A compellingly complex picture emerged: a young man who was endlessly cheerful, modest, enjoyed an argument, gave everyone high-fives instead of hugs. I saw some of younger myself in those descriptions: a young person still finding his way, a little social awkward albeit well-meaning, unsure of his own place. He was a lucky man to have friends who loved him in spite of, perhaps even because of, all his weaknesses:

May we all be blessed with friends such as these.

Perhaps it was the unexpectedness of it, walking through an empty summer campus and coming upon a reminder of human tragedy, of life cut short. I never knew this young man, but my thoughts are with his family. May he be at peace.

Watch What You Say

2008-06-18T11:59:00.005-05:00

I don't worry too much about what people say in front of Teh N00b. All languages have swear words, and kids will hear them; the catch is learning when to use them.

I will admit to cleaning up my own language somewhat when Teh N00b started using the F-bomb to get my attention. His favorite show-stopper for a while was "F**k it out!" Best response? "You want a fork, honey? But we're not eating right now. What, you want a truck? We have one of those at home honey, should we go get it?"

Then we went to South America and no one knew what he was saying. So he stopped and hasn't sworn since.

Now, part two of "Watch What you Say":

Almost everyday a local ice cream truck comes to our street. I never buy ice cream from the truck because I don't want Teh N00b to beg everytime it comes by -- and the best way to avoid that, in my rigid parental mind, is to simply not make that an option.

The truck always plays "La Cucaracha" in tinny, ice-cream-truck notes as it waits to see which of the neighborhood kids it can tempt outside. So we (as sarcastic misfits) dubbed it the "Marijuana Truck." When it came by, we would joke in fake child-like excitement, "Hurray! It's the marijuana truck! Come and get your marijuana!"

This is, of course, completely inappropriate for non-smokers like ourselves. And we never say this in front of our neighbor's kids, because really, it's just an ice cream truck, and I imagine there is a shortage of catchy tunes off copyright that one can use to draw attention to one's frozen dairy treats. So you have to give the guy a break.

Yesterday we're walking down the street, and in the distance we hear the siren song.

"It's the Mara-mara-ni-wana truck!" shouts Teh N00b.

Oops.

Things you don't want to hear from a toddler first thing in the morning

2008-06-04T22:11:00.000-05:00

A couple days ago we were half-asleep while the n00b rummaged downstairs in search of breakfast. Then we heard: "Here you go, fishes! Here you go!"

This got us up in a hurry.

By the time we got downstairs, throwing on bathrobes and rubbing our bleary eyes, he had dumped a large amount of fish food in the tank. It was lining the bottom of the entire tank.

As D.G. pointed out, at least it wasn't maple syrup. Or dish soap. Not like the spoon he dropped in the milk jug a few days before.

After siphoning the tank as best we could and changing the filter, the water is still murky and cloudy. Now, twelve hours after the fact, one fish is dead and the other four are hovering near the top of the tank, desperate for air. The food becomes particulates in the water that makes it difficult for them to breathe. They are literally drowning in food.

On the plus side, the n00b did bring in the newspaper this morning.

Open Letter to Tim Buckley of Ctrl+Alt+Del

2008-06-02T21:34:00.000-05:00

Hey, Tim Buckley, no fair trying to make me cry at work.

Seriously, this comic is amazing – poignantly wordless. I had assumed in the previous comic that Ethan was just trying to get out of work; that made it all the more shocking. The last panel captures it all – shock, uncertainty, pain, not knowing what to say. "Loss."

Your comments are great, too. We're gamer parents. We love our son. We love our games. I can’t imagine ever giving either of them up (even if sometimes the games get sidelined for the diapers). One day, we hope Teh N00b will be gaming with us (at least until he becomes a rebellious teenager and finds whatever the "opposite" of gaming is by then).

Thanks for trying to do justice to the fact that gamers do have lives, and that kids can be part of that. If people don’t want to read about gamers reproducing, that’s their problem. Me, I see that reality in our son making cho-cho-trains out of “Ticket to Ride” pieces.

But that’s just me. You do whatever you want, Tim. I'll keep reading.

I think I'll eat some worms

2008-06-02T11:40:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I went with Teh N00b and his Favorite Person in the Whole World (and associated parents) to the Garfield Conservatory. There they have a kids' area. There one finds a toddler-level table where kids can dig in the "dirt" to look for "worms" and "insects" and plant "vegetables."

Everything has to go in quotes because all the things involved are actually plastic. I suppose this is cleaner, and means they don't have to install a sink for washing up. Plus it means that real potatoes and carrots will not be harmed. Fair enough. But I think this is also about the parents and their fear of the "ick factor."

For example:
Now, I don't have a problem with worms. I keep them in the basement, after all. But I guess many other people think that worms are disgusting.

Me, I save my disgust for truly nasty things. Like cockroaches.

Or maybe they just want to protect real worms from the inevitable. Teh N00b is, I fear, way ahead of the curve there. Last summer while gardening I left a small bowl of worms I'd found (and intended to return to their bin) near him.

"Where did they go? What did you do with them?"

That's the day Teh N00b learned to shrug. For my part, I intend to go on believing that he just dumped them in the dirt. Because that's the sort of thing parents do.

I KNEW it!

2008-06-01T15:47:00.000-05:00

Don Gusano always makes fun of me for losing things, but now I know it's not my fault. If it's not elves, then maybe it's a very quiet Japanese woman.

Invasion of the Grammar Police

2008-05-29T12:15:00.006-05:00

Two guys with nothing better to do came to my neighborhood to correct spelling and punctuation errors at local businesses. Clearly they feel their time is better spent here than, say, Colorado. Now that's a state with no typos.

They call themselves the "Typo Eradication Advancement League" (TEAL) and the fancy title is enough to impress the Chicago Tribune. But these guys need a lesson in both basic linguistics and etiquette.

Good spelling and punctuation are nice. Certainly makes you look smarter (although incomplete sentences seem to be tolerated in blogs for the sake of drama. Or maybe TEAL just hasn't found us yet). What bothers me, however, is they don't seem to be aware of the fact that this section of Milwaukee Avenue is a multiethnic neighborhood (including Mexicans and other Latinos, Polish, Russians, and Ukranians) where many don't speak English as a first language -- a fact that probably influences the number of typos they find. Those furniture stores TEAL goes after, for example, don't have any typos on their signs in Spanish -- but TEAL's photos conveniently leave anything in that language cropped out.

Now, maybe I've misjudged -- I didn't go to those stores and ask who the owners are, and whether they were born in the U.S., what languages they speak, and who made the signs. I think doing so on the heels of TEAL would be tacky. But the U.S. Census data from 2000 shows that in our zip code 22% are foreign-born and over 50% speak a language other than English at home.

Frankly, this more-grammatical-than-thou posturing in a largely immigrant area smacks of anti-immigrantism. At best.

On a more theoretical level, aren't the grammatical superheroes at TEAL aware that language is always in motion? That the written form is also constantly changing? That the normative grammars of their elementary school experiences are part of a hegemonic discourse? That a focus on grammatical errors is not only irritating, but shows their fundamental misunderstandings about who language belongs to (namely, its speakers, not their 7th grade English teacher)?!

Guys, please. You want to fight this fight? Great. Go teach elementary school kids. Go teach ESL. Become a copy-editor. Heck, if you are that desperate for something to do, I'll even let you proofread my dissertation.

Because I'm nice that way.

Anthropology vs. Life in General

2008-05-28T10:29:00.003-05:00

Saw this on my way to teach an Anthropology class. "Study Anthropology as it happens." In Starbucks.

Now, I don't have a problem with ethnographies of coffee shops (in fact, I encourage them). But I've noticed a real confusion among non-academics about what anthropology is. It is not whatever people happen to do. That is merely the starting point of anthropological research.

Anthropology is about creating knowledge in a -- literally -- disciplined way. That means participating, observing, writing fieldnotes, doing interviews, transcribing tapes, extensively coding data, and finally writing documents that generally only other anthropologists read, mainly because they want to see whether you've read what they themselves wrote.

I assume this process is not what Starbucks is inviting us to see over a tall half-caf caramel latte. It would be boring to watch anyway. They are inviting us to people watch -- fun, but not the same thing as anthropology.

Guilty as Charged

2008-05-26T12:21:00.006-05:00

The results of PMS's poll (see the comments section) are in:

Why did Hillary say "Burma" instead of "Myanmar"?

25% "Burma" is easier to say when you're under sniper fire.

25% "Myanmar" is harder to say in a fake folksy accent.

50%	Knowing things is "elitist."

0% Stop making fun of Hillary. She's making a serious political statement here.

Because Hillary didn't learn anything at Wellesley. Or Yale Law School. Which is not elitist.

On a more general note, I don't know why people with perfectly cromulent educations feel the need to act "dumb".

The Five Second Prayer

2008-05-21T20:50:00.009-05:00

I've been giving a lot of thought to this article, that Ducks pointed me towards earlier (thanks!). The summary:

An MIT class has estimated the carbon emissions of Americans in a wide variety of lifestyles -- from the homeless to multimillionaires, from Buddhist monks to soccer moms -- and compared them to those of other nations. The somewhat disquieting bottom line is that in the United States, even the people with the lowest usage of energy are still producing, on average, more than double the global per-capita average.

This is because they are assuming that even the homeless are responsible for the CO2 produced by their share of streetlights, police services, transportation infrastructure, and other "public goods." That's not a bad way to calculate things. I do believe if we want to make a serious effort to curb our impact on the environment, then we have to make that decision as a society for it to have any real results. This study just confirms that, in my mind -- our society is wasteful on a truly grand scale.

Now, this begs the question, of course: Sam, aren't you just another damn eco-zombie, so concerned with your stupid worms and recycling and taking the CTA when all those things don't make any difference? Why not just eat, drink and be merry until the government taxes the hell out of gas, hamburgers, and the American way? Or until we destroy our planet (or at least our place in it) because we can't reach a consensus about how to curb ourselves?

But there is something to all this that goes beyond quantitative measures of CO2 (although yes, I care about that too). For me, this is not just about footprints and carbon sinks. When I sort paper or dig through dark, rich compost mulch or try to find ways to use a little less plastic, I feel connected to something larger than myself. Something big and eternal and maybe a little scary. Something one can't truly escape and can't fully confront.

This is prayer.

Prayer, for many, is quiet and powerful. They can sit silently, quietly thinking, communing with higher powers. For them, prayer is done with hands clasped, hands raised, quietly or singing, standing or sitting, alone or in church.

I have occasionally felt something in those contexts, but my daily prayers are very different. Often less than five seconds, these are silent -- not just unvoiced, but unarticulated. Certainly they would go unrecognized for what they are. This is not about words, but about action. Ritual action, perhaps (Victor Turner, anyone?).

I describe myself as a deist (no, I don't agree with everything or everyone associated with that philosophy, but isn't that normal for any religious community?). I believe seriously in the mystery of Creation as something ever-changing, ever evolving. Considering the diversity on this planet -- how many beetles? what is living on the bottom of the ocean? -- let alone other planets in the universe, I cannot believe God is confined by gender, language, culture -- or humanity. Or that It cares more about humans than about mosquitoes, or bacteria, or octopuses. One day Creation will not include me, or you, or humans at all. I don't buy that we are the end-product of Creation, the masterpiece of the universe, God's only children.

I also don't believe that God (or whatever you want to call it) explains Itself primarily in books or words. I don't have a problem with other religions, mind you (not even the one I left). We don't all have the same hobbies, the same passions; I can't see any evidence that God wants us all to join the same religion. But God did create a "text," if you will. It is all around us -- not confined the page -- even if our experience of it is akin to the blind men and the elephant.

If God doesn't speak to us in words alone, then why do we think that our prayers need to be limited to that genre? My prayers are actions. Like turning off the lights. Like turning off my computer power cord. Like composting. Like planting native plants that feed butterflies. Little actions premised on the idea that little things matter, and maybe, eventually, can lead to bigger things.

Flip the switch. Amen.

Designated Bicyclist

2008-05-14T10:43:00.003-05:00

Hey greenies, haven't you ever heard that you shouldn't drink and bike?! What the hell kind of tagline is this? As if we didn't have enough trouble with crazy-ass bicyclists who think the rules of the road don't apply to them.

Followup: Throwing pizza at whales

2008-05-12T19:51:00.006-05:00

Piece Pizzeria's greenwashing is complete. The Second City Greens are meeting there this week. The sad part is that Crust, one of our nation's very few organic restaurants, serves amazing organic pizza within a mere ten minute walk of Piece. And I've never caught Crust running their AC with the windows open.

It's the little things, folks, not that I should have to point that out to fellow environmentalists.

Speaking of greenwashing, Greenpeace has started a new website dedicated to exposing greenwashing. But they have not yet responded to my email asking about Piece's fundraiser on their behalf -- a fundraiser that I personally feel is greenwashing writ small.

FYI, Here's my email to them, sent April 23, 2008:

Hello Greenpeace investigators,

I'm writing to ask about a local issue I've been following here in the Wicker Park/Bucktown neighborhood of Chicago, IL. A local restaurant, Piece Pizzeria (which I don't consider to be environmentally friendly for reasons I explain on my blog, see URL below) recently publicly claimed to have done a fundraiser for Greenpeace. I'd be curious to hear (if you are allowed to say) whether you actually received a donation from Piece Pizzeria on North Avenue for their St. Patrick's Day fundraiser.

You can read my comments on this business (and see photos of their advertising for the fundraiser on your behalf) at: http://trapdoorzombie.blogspot.com/2008/03/piece-pizzeria-in-wicker-park.html. While the post is somewhat sarcastic in tone, I am serious in my feeling that this is basically greenwashing, albeit on a small scale.

I'd love to hear your comments.

Greenpeace: the silence speaks volumes. And I, at least, am listening.

Burma vs. Myanmar: What is Hillary really saying?

2008-05-07T08:16:00.006-05:00

I watched Hillary Clinton's speech last night -- before the Indiana results were final, she was claiming victory anyway. Guess she figured it didn't matter. She wanted to rally her supporters before everyone went to bed, and if Obama had actually managed to win Indiana she would be out of the race despite the faux-pas.

Anyway, others will no doubt analyze to death her comments, since TV commentators have to fill hours and hours of time with speculations about what would happen if X, Y, or Z. What interests me here is her throwaway comment about the recent cyclone that killed tens of thousands in a southeast Asian country.

Now, the Chicago Tribune calls this nation Myanmar. But Clinton follows the lead of the Brits, and calls it Burma. And she did so twice; it clearly wasn't a mistake.

Now, I'm not rushing to the defense of Myanmar's military dictatorship here. But let's be honest about American realpolitik -- our nation routinely deals with state and nonstate governments that make me queasy without questioning their right to name themselves.

It seems strange (and possibly embarrassing) for our potential future President to use the non-official name for a nation. But clearly she is not alone in preferring to use the name of "Burma". Turns out the U.S. State Department also calls the nation Burma. Even the title of the nation's entry on Wikipedia is disputed. The name of Myanmar was adopted in 1989 (nearly 20 years ago), and is still contested by many. Still, it seems strange for someone aiming for our top diplomatic post to not use the official name for a nation-state.

Adding to the insult, Laura Bush criticized Myanmar's response to the tragedy. I think the only reasonable response by Maynmar to that would be, "You're doin' a heckuva job, Brownie."

Experts on compostable plastic: It doesn't work.

2008-05-05T08:40:00.004-05:00

The BPI (Biodegradable Products Institute), which does independent testing, agrees that biodegradable plastics don't really work, especially not in landfills. After my little experiment with Chiquita's version of this eco-plastic, I couldn't agree more.

(Thanks to PMS for sending the link to BPI!)

Compostable Plastic, you say? Another Chiquita failure

2008-05-02T15:09:00.003-05:00

Me and my worms are always up for a composting challenge. Luckily we have Chiquita to provide one.

Latin Americanists such as myself have reason to distrust claims made by Chiquita, formerly the United Fruit Company, purveyors of fine tropic fruits and Guatemalan military coups. More recently, Chiquita was fined by the U.S. Justice Department for making large protection pay-offs to Columbian rebel groups, including the FARC and ELN. Even leaving aside the question of whether banana production for the world market is inherently an environmental problem, this is not a company that has a track record of respecting human rights in general (which for my part, I see as integrally linked to environmental rights).

Anyway, two months ago Don Gusano purchased salad from Fresh Express (a Chiquita subsidiary) which came in a plastic-looking container than proudly declared itself to be "eco-friendly," made of corn, and compostable.

I could hear my worms saying in their tiny, high-pitched invertebrate voices, "Bring it on, bitch!"

So I did.

On March 15, 2008, I cut this plastic up into palm-sized pieces and put it in my worm bin.

On April 30 -- about 45 days later, which is average for my bin -- I harvested that layer. I noticed the normal level of decomposition -- egg shells were still in tact, everything else was broken down. The "compostable plastic", however, looked about the same as when I'd put it in (except dirtier).

Well, far be it for me to question the claims of Chiquita's scientists. I'll give it another round and report back. Meanwhile, you all can take bets on how many YEARS it takes for this stuff to rot -- and how many governments Chiquita manages to overthrow between now and then.

The Philosophy of (No) Money

2008-04-30T09:13:00.004-05:00

Teh n00b told me the other day that he was doing "Simmel-saults." I had to restrain myself from telling him that was what my dissertation was about, too.

Taking my preachiness elsewhere

2008-04-28T20:22:00.006-05:00

Ok, I realize I've been a little too eco-preachy. Sorry about that. So I'm going to spare you all and move my eco-anger posts elsewhere [URL deleted -- see comments]. I'd love to have you guys come and visit there too... but, if you'd rather not, I'm sure there will still be more than enough cynicism here to go around. :-)

Addition: This idea has been scrapped. Back to your regularly scheduled sarcasm!

Open Letter to Mayor Daley

2008-04-28T16:19:00.005-05:00

Dear Mr. Daley,

I am appalled that you would allow part of Lincoln Park to be sold for the exclusive use of an elite private school. As a resident of Chicago who spends time in Lincoln Park, this affects me and my young son directly. As an environmentalist, it is simply shocking.

Our city has very little open space. What we have should be protected for everyone to use -- whether or not they can afford to send their children to elite private schools such as the Latin School. Closing this space off to the majority of the city's residents, not to mention allowing it be turned into a soccer field, calls into serious question your claims to be an environmentalist.

Being "green" is not about mere tulips. It is realizing that we are all dependent on the earth and have both the right to share in its beauty and bounty, and the responsibility to protect and promote other forms of life on the planet -- even when we have the money, power, and technology to do what is merely convenient for ourselves.

Please reconsider this disastrous decision.

cc: Mayor Daley, directly via his website.

Oh, you want Zombie Food do you?

2008-04-25T08:44:00.002-05:00

The contents of the vending machine in the ER waiting room:

Pretzels and pretzeloids

Snyders Old Tyme pretzels
Rold Gold Tiny Twists

Chips

Cheetos, Chedder Jalapeno (2 slots)
Baked Lays Ruffles
Doritos Spicy Sweet Chili
Ruffles Thick Cut
Lays Classic
Doritos Nacho Cheese
Lays Kettle Cooked Mesquite BBQ
Cheetos Crunchy
Fritos Chill Cheese
Cheetos Flamin' Hot

Cookies/Cakes/Candies

Zingers
Suzy O's
Snickers
Twix
Reeces Peanut Butter Cups
3 Musketeers (2 slots)
M&Ms (peanut and regular)
Fig Newtons
Chips Ahoy
Danish Shortbread Cookies
Knotts Raspberry cookies
Hostess Pound Cake

These fall into a few discrete categories:

1) Your child shouldn't be eating this if they're here for abdominal pain.

This might include the Flamin' Hots (sadly, so commonly consumed by children ostensibly in the ER for 'nausea and vomiting' that the nurses have an unofficial lobby to get 'eating Flamin' Hot Cheetos' printed on our forms with a yes/no check box).

2) I can't believe they couldn't get Twinkies!

The brilliant marketing folks who came up with 'Hostess Pound Cake' I suppose, that since there's no actual pound cake in the product, it still doesn't violate the Marketer's Oath.

3) Mmmmm....no, no, there should be apples and celery...well, maybe just one...

I think Snickers and Twix fit here best.

4) Why is your kid eating this at all? Why are you eating it? Why does it even exist???

Of course, I suppose these products are the ones that are most in demand, most profitable, and most long-lasting. I guess people would be complaining too if we sold expired egg-salad sandwiches out of an unrefrigerated vending machine. But as a whole, it seems like this is another example of the health care profession shooting itself in the foot. Head shots people! Head shots!

Zombie Food: Overview

2008-04-23T11:25:00.000-05:00

Those of you who have been to my home know about my "zombiefood" collection (also know as the "weirdfood" collection) stashed in a kitchen cupboard. These are foods that are so unnatural, so processed, so completely divorced from what they were while living, so... zombie-afied that they could survive any apocalypse.

Many of them seem so nasty that there would have to be an apocalypse before I would be desperate enough to eat them -- although since I use them as display pieces rather than as sources of calories, I can't really be sure. Note: I am not a picky eater.

I'll be photographing and displaying these gems from time to time. And yes, I welcome additions to the collection (most of them were gifts).

One day, it will even have a display case.

Rise of the Eco-Zombies: Definitions

2008-04-23T10:40:00.001-05:00

Don Gusano has already noted the ecological benefits of zombification, not to mention the one-upmanship of certain sectors of the U.S. environmentalist movement. I want to take his analysis one step further: who/what are Eco-Zombies?

Zombies -- for those of you who don't know -- emerged as a concept in the Caribbean (or possibly in Africa) through the interactions between African religious beliefs brought to the New World, and the grinding misery caused by world demand for cash crops such as sugar. In this context, zombies were people who thought themselves to be dead and could be thus tricked into working in agroindustrial processes such as cutting sugar cane. They didn't need to be shot in the head: they could be awoken.

This connection between zombies and the worst aspects of capitalism has carried over into North Atlantic movie fascination with the creature. From Dawn of the Dead's mall consumerism to Sean of the Dead's routinized purchasing, the living and their zombie counterparts are linked through the processes of production and consumption. Most of these movies explore not the difference between the living and the dead, but the question of how much the living are already like the dead.

Enter the Eco-Zombie.

Many self-described environmentalists in the U.S. (at least) don't seem to realize that by being green(er) they have not escaped from capitalist materialism. Instead, they have simply become another niche market. Excessive consumption is inherently an environmental problem, but the eco-zombie thinks that if something is marked "Green" (or "Natural" or whatever) then buying it will be better than not buying it. In other words, they believe that consumption itself can solve environmental problems.

Many businesses are all too happy to agree as they sell recycled-this and fair-trade-that for prices that most can't afford. Environmentalism becomes another statement of wealth, something that only the upper classes can afford to flaunt. Better to buy green than not -- but do we really need so much stuff?! It seems to me that excessive buying is itself part of the problem.

There are real environmentalists out there, don't get me wrong. Even with my composting, low-flow shower heads, and semi-successful attempts at native gardening, I don't hold a candle to them. They've taught me about local invasive species and introduced me to my wonderful worm companions. No doubt they buy recycled products and shop at local farmers' markets, but they are not trying to make "statements" with consumer goods.

For Eco-zombies, on the other hand, it is not really about the environment. It is a kind of individualistic greenwashing, an attempt to buy one's way into a movement that actually requires an investment of time rather than money. Eco-zombies don't realize that the problem is not just what you buy, but how much. And they are the true market for businesses that sell green -- or "greeeeeen" -- products.

Now, if you'll excuse me... I have some shopping to do...

Tell us some real news, Chicago Tribune!

2008-04-23T09:28:00.005-05:00

Ah, more newspaper "human interest" stories... they make so much more sense when juxtaposed...

Front page news: Rich, white, gifted Evanston teen gets into Harvard despite the great hardship of having parents who are wealthy enough to be able to homeschool, send her to Ireland to learn the Irish Harp, to Tibet to study Buddhism, and to Greece to learn philosophy.

Excuse me, but the fact that privileged (in both the economic and the intellectual sense) white kids get into Harvard is not news, people. And certainly not front-page news.

Meanwhile, the Trib puts this in the Metro section: Englewood African-American teen murdered at a drug- and alcohol-free party, apparently in front of a police officer while defending his younger brother.

Speaks for itself.

Corporate Universities and the Unsung Graduate Student Hero

2008-04-21T14:06:00.008-05:00

We've been talking here about our incredibly underpaid forays into academic teaching (see the comments). Turns out being an underpaid graduate student is not, in fact, a necessary stepping-stone to a tenure track job. That's just a fantasy that "the university" (and I mean this in the generic, not as a commentary on my own institution) perpetuates to maintain an underpaid labor pool of graduate student and adjunct teachers. These are the people who not only teach "our" college kids, but maintain the university as a profitable institution so that money can be poured into administrator salaries and competitive college sports teams.

Marc Bousquet's new book, "How the University Works," is a depressing read for those of us already trapped in this cycle, and a clear warning to those thinking of entering it. You can read the introduction online. If you are thinking of going to graduate school, you should read this book, then run for the hills.

The Sad, Sad Face of an Academic Game Addict: Traveler IQ Challenge, reviewed

2008-04-16T20:32:00.005-05:00

I don't play computer games. Why? They are addictive. Correction: I would be an addict. So I made a promise to myself in college (when I saw my buddies slipping in classes due to computer games) that I would stick to paper-and-pencil gaming.

But a map quiz isn't a game, right? Right?!

The TripAdvisor "Traveler IQ Challenge" on Facebook is totally addictive. For me. Which is sad. But since it is obvious I'm never going to be great at this game (although I AM in the top 400 for the quiz of my own regional specialty, thank you very much!) I will take the academic way out.

I will critique it.

Stop laughing.

The game is based on a standard projection world map. Names of places are flashed at the top of the screen, and you are timed on how fast and how close you can click to the location. Points are awarded and you get a score. You have to score a minimum on each level to continue to the next.

There are some obvious critiques for this game, no doubt made elsewhere. The map is too small, which means that Belize is barely visible and Easter Island doesn't appear at all. Locations have to be given a single point, which means large features like Lake Titicaca are marked for scoring purposes with a single point. There's no credit for knowing that Easter Island is in the Pacific far west of Chile, or knowing merely that a city is somewhere in China -- scoring is all based on distance and time.

My deeper critique has to do with the use of the standard projection map. Sure, it's the one we all grew up with. It's the one we consulted to learn where Timbuktu actually was and such. But it is an inherently skewed vision of the world, where the equator is 2/3 of the way down the page, Greenland is disproportionately huge, and the southern hemisphere is unnaturally condensed.

When I worked in Central America I was introduced to the Peter's Projection Map, which corrects these problems. It has been criticized -- what hasn't? -- but it sure does make the world look very different. My colleague told me he liked it better because his nation looked bigger. It does, but so does everything in the south. As it should. Africa is huge.

What does this mean for my addictive map quiz? Because you are judged on how "far" you click from the actual location -- in terms of miles in real space -- mistakes made in the southern hemisphere (where there are more miles per pixel) are punished disproportionately. This does mean that to do well in this game you need to know where Swaziland and Montevideo actually are; you can't guess as well as you can with locations in Macedonia, which barely covers more than a couple of pixels anyway.

Nevertheless, one's attempts look more accurate in the southern hemisphere because the distance on the screen is far less. Perhaps there is a hidden irony here -- we North Atlantic types usually think we mostly understand the rest of the world until it comes back to bite us in the ass.

Now if you'll excuse me... I have a top score to beat.

Breakfast of n00b champions

2008-04-15T08:08:00.004-05:00

This morning, hearing yells of anger I stumble downstairs to see the following scene:

Teh n00b, standing on a stepstool, bread cut haphazardly with crumbs all over the floor, hitting a jar with a butter knife in frustration because he can't get it open.

Jam? Nope. Hoisin sauce.

Non-refundable education

2008-04-10T20:05:00.003-05:00

Imagine the scenario: You buy tickets to see the orchestra. They're playing at 7pm. But, you know, you have to do laundry. Or your roommate invited you to play World of Warcraft. Or you needed to go see some other show you also had tickets to at 7pm. Or you were sleeping.

So obviously, the logical thing to do is email the conductor and ask if they can't play again, just for you, at 8:30pm instead because you are so, so sorry but you really don't want to miss anything.

While it might never cross my students' minds to do such a thing to an orchestra conductor, they seem to think that this is a completely reasonable request of a college professor.

Kids, it's a performance. An expensive, expensive performance, if you do the math (not that I see much of that phat loot). You cannot just email me after you've skipped class and ask me to meet with you privately to "go over what you missed."

If you miss my show, you miss it. Get a review from someone who bothered to attend.

Worm blogs... apparently, they DO exist

2008-03-31T10:44:00.005-05:00

Ok, I originally thought when I saw the comment on my post about doggie blogs that one of my friends was messing with me. But no, it's for real. Or at least, if it's someone I know messing with me, they planned it way, way in advance:

http://mealwormsunite.blogspot.com/

I should point out that meal worms and red wigglers are not the same. They are very, very different creatures. Earthworms vote Democratic, for starters.

Still, it is nice to see the invertebrate perspective. Hope to see you back, Mealy Guy. And no, we don't hate the worms just because I don't think a worm blog would be all that interesting. I mean, come on, how many people (who don't know me personally) are reading this crap?! Writing a blog is not a sure-fire way to earn my respect.

My worms have my respect. They eat my trash, amuse Teh N00b, and fertilize my garden. And if I really hated them, I wouldn't share my coffee.

And that, my mealy interlocutor, is the true test of friendship.

Obama's Pastor vs. Your Crazy Uncle

2008-03-25T15:04:00.006-05:00

I really don't understand why so many people are concerned about what Obama's pastor said, or why he didn't rush to leave his church over it, or (in the words of Eric Zorn at the Trib) wondering "why Obama didn’t act years ago to defuse the obvious political time bomb contained in the rhetoric of Rev. Jeremiah Wright."

Ok, am I the ONLY person who is related to crazy people?

Come on, admit it. You have a crazy relative. Cra-zy. Someone whose ideas are so beyond the pale that they are simply embarrassing to hear, but in the name of family peace everyone just looks uncomfortable over family dinners and tries to change the subject. Someone you used to argue with when you were younger, until you realized there was no point, because they thought that way long before you were born and would continue to think that way until they left this earth, so you might as well save your breath.

And yet, you love them.

Why?

Loyalty to family? The fact that he is the crazy uncle who writes to you? That's the aunt who remembers your birthday? The cousin who would drive 2000 miles to watch your cat for a week? She's the life of the party? A great confidant? Because he's willing to step in to point out that love trumps everything? Or just because?

Now, people will say that Obama and Rev. Wright are not related. Coming from a very small family (like Obama does) I realize that for many people, family are where you make it. Some people are blessed with large families. I'm not. Instead, I have friends (some of whom are reading this) that I consider family. I would do anything for them if the chips were down. (I hope they know that, too.)

And some of my friends are a little crazy (in a good way!). But even if they became more crazy, I would still stick by them. Because I love them. Because they are family.

Family means that sometimes you ignore the crazy and focus on the good. And this country needs someone who can do that, not cynically for the sake of politics, but honestly. We need someone who can be generous. Being generous is not the same thing as agreeing.

Obama has forgiven his pastor, even as he rejected some of his philosophies. Most of us would have no family at all if we weren't willing to do that once in a while. I think all this is to Obama's credit, not his detriment.

World Peace Through Doggie Blogs?!

2008-03-21T10:45:00.004-05:00

People like this need a life. Pets do not need blogs, folks. They just don't.

Except, of course, my worms. My wonderful red wigglers, that I seriously considered taking to a local pet psychic just to see what would happen ("I don't know, they're not eating as well recently. Especially not Percival here. Are they depressed?").

Let's face it, a worm blog would be pretty boring. "Today: Munch, shit, munch, shit, munch, shit. Oh goodie, more coffee grounds. Reproduce. Repeat." I'm am very glad to say that I couldn't actually find anyone who tried to write a blog on behalf of their worms. If you find one, please don't tell me. I don't want to know.

It's always zombie season here...

2008-03-19T17:52:00.004-05:00

A few months ago I got a new computer.

This means that I can now play all the new games that came out 2 years ago. Don't be silly. The games that come out this year require far too much computing power.

It makes for an interesting insight into what must be very hard to program, moderately hard to program, and so forth. For instance, mirrors must be very difficult. You're more likely to find a mirror in the house of a self-conscious acne-plagued vampire than in a first person shooter. Bullet holes are moderate. Given how much shooting goes on in shooters, you might have thought this would have been solved already. But either they don't make holes, or the holes disappear after a while (which looks really weird when you see it happening).

But what must be virtually impossible to do is deviate at all from the script of the stupid FPS genre. Every damn one of them, since the start of the genre, uses the same elements. Start off by fighting "soldiers." Put a couple of cosmetic touches on them (insect soldiers in Halo, for instance), but they all do the same thing. Run around, hide, and shoot at you. After you get tired of slaughtering them for a while, add in zombies. Put a couple of cosmetic touches on them. (mutants in Far Cry, demons in Doom, etc.), but they all do the same thing. Run up and try to bite you. Then, do combos (soldiers and zombies together! zombies busting out of a closet! soldiers fighting zombies!) Finally, you'll need a boss fight. Of course, if you don't want to use zombies, you can always use Nazis. Ain't nobody like no Nazis.

You'd think that if the companies could spend $1 million getting their engine to push polygons 3% faster and shade their pixels 3% better, they could spend 100 bucks to come up with a new form. But the best anyone has come up with (aside from Thief, which is now probably so old that only net Gomers like myself remember it) is to make cosmetic changes to what is essentially the same game.

Is it the Hollywood problem? People are now sinking so much into these games, that they'd rather make an uninspired but profitable sequel? Is it an open contempt for the consumers (who, granted, are usually profane 10 year olds playing in an internet cafe and screaming obscenities at each other). Is it just what consumers really want?

--- supplemental rant follows ---

Oh, good, another jumping puzzle. That's just what I want in my shooters. Give me a character who can jump one, and only one distance; force me to jump on a series of improbably placed objects over a deadly chasm. They lack the kinetic joy of movement and balance, and they are generally frustrating as hell because the controls for jumping are usually an afterthought in a game that is, let's face, all about firearmy carnage. But they ALL have them. They're e-syphilis.

2008-03-19T12:51:00.004-05:00

"Want the best? Get your vitamins from an amber glass bottle, NOT a can of diet soda."

Um, I generally try to get my vitamins from vegetables. But thanks anyway.

Cell phone pollution

2008-03-14T09:12:00.004-05:00

I love riding the CTA. It allows me to connect with the zietgeist of Chicago.

Last night I was commuting late after a social dinner. Sitting at the bus stop with some light reading: Marilyn Strathern's The Gender and the Gift. [This is sarcasm. It's one of the densest books in the discipline, no joke.]

Some guy, mid forties, comes up to the bus stop. It's dark, we're the only people there. He paces around, watching for the bus, glancing at his cell phone. We wait for half an hour in the silence. Just me, him, and Marilyn.

The bus comes. I get on first and sit down. There are lots of seats. Him? He slides in directly behind me, calls someone, and proceeds to start a chatty inane conversation right in my ear. Because obviously after a half hour he couldn't be expected to know I was reading, or have made the call already.

What is it about cell phones that makes people so blissfully unaware of their surroundings, both physical and social? Marilyn? Anyone?

Piece Pizzeria in Wicker Park: Greenwashing for St. Patrick's

2008-03-12T13:26:00.012-05:00

The other day I was walking home from the CTA station in Wicker Park and saw this banner outside of Piece, a local pizzeria and brewery on North Avenue just east of Damen:

Now, this sounds like a catchy, cute idea, right? Green, like the Irish, like the environmental movement? Piece? Peace? Greenpeace? Get it?

Yeah.

The problem is that this restaurant is such an obvious environmental nightmare that I won't even eat there anymore. Why? Because all summer long, they blast their air-conditioning while leaving two large windows open so their clients can commune with the busy street outside.

Now, I don't object to outdoor seating, but Piece doesn't have any of that. Walking past in the summer -- as I do to commute across the city by train and bus -- I am reminded by blasts of unseasonally frigid air that my efforts to reduce my own environmental impact (by not driving to work) are completely wiped out by the selfishness of this establishment and their clients.

Here's a recent (early Spring) photo -- the two large windows are closed now, but it will give you a sense of their size. While the government is trying to get the rest of us to seal small leaks in our windows and ducts to improve energy efficiency, these guys flaunt the fact that they don't give a flying f***.

Now, Don Gusano has pointed out that perhaps I should be more charitable. Perhaps they've had a change of heart and realized the errors of their ways. To that end, I propose a betting pool on when they open their windows again for the summer. Don Gusano, if you bet "No, they'll leave them closed this year" you will lose.

Now, I'm as sympathetic to guys who want to throw rotten butter at Japanese whalers as the next greenie. But come on, people. If the owners of Piece really gave a s*** about the whales, or anything else in the ocean, they would consider their restaurant's daily practices. Rising ocean temperatures caused by the indiscriminate use of fossil fuels affects the entire ecosystem that whales depend on. It also affects agriculture, and therefore all of us too. Rising wheat and corn prices aren't as dramatic as sea battles, but they will have far more impact in the long run -- especially on those people who couldn't afford to eat at Piece in the first place.

Instead, Piece's owners and/or staff (who apparently also have a rep for being rude) and their eco-zombie patrons plan to assuage their guilt by holding one cleverly named fund-raiser for an organization with a name they can't even spell.

Usually I am the very last person to criticize a spelling error. But "Grenpeace"? That sounds like a parody site just waiting to happen. And clearly, it should be short for "Grendle-peace," an international organization dedicated to improving relations between humans and large scary monsters that might eat them. Now, that's a cause I could get behind.

Do you want to do something really green for St. Patrick's? Boycott Piece.

Oh Gamemaster, My Gamemaster

2008-03-10T14:30:00.007-05:00

A few days ago, we lost our GM. A tragic, unpredictable, sudden death. An unexpected email.

Admit the tears the memories came back. A private conversation asking whether I was sure I didn't mind that character dying -- do you want me to pull a deus ex machina and save her? The good humor with which he allowed our munchkin players to min-max impossible characters. Setting the scenario that allowed one of us to warn another: "Watch out for trapdoor bears!" thus spawning an endless series of inappropriate trapdoor monsters, and eventually leading to the name of this website.

When he played as a PC with us in a First Edition With-All-The-Phat-Loot Campaign, his easy humor shone through. He was Fergus, our gnome illusionist complete with a foppish hat. We never let him forget the time he tested an unidentified magic ring by donning it and sticking his head in a bucket of water. He was (rather unfairly) made to role against Systems Shock. It was first edition, after all. Roll, roll against the dying of the light!

The ring turned out to be one of Feather Fall, not Water Breathing.

Poor Fergus the Gnome met his end fighting a dragon while invisible. I called for everyone to get back, but he didn't move fast enough to miss my fireball. I felt guilty for years. He took it in stride, saying he'd been wanting to roll a new character, honest.

When I saw this homage to Gary Gygax on Order of the Stick (a web comic I had introduced to him), I immediately thought of Fergus. I was going to email, but I had a work deadline and trip, and thought I would email him when I got back. I didn't realize then that it was already too late.

Of course, it wasn't all about the game. Our GM was as comfortable talking about the recent elections in Italy or the Israel-Palestine conflict as the mechanics of D&D. He was brilliant, an informed world citizen, a serious scholar in the true sense, and a genuinely kind person. But to us, he was always a gamer first. When we wrote to tell him we were pregnant, he emailed:

Have you guys thought of names yet? Personally, I feel it should embrace his or her cultural heritage, by which I, of course, mean the family tradition of extra-large gaming. Perhaps "Trogdor the Bloody"? I think it works well for a boy or a girl...

But when Teh N00b was born, he brought a "serious" present: a collection of books that our little boy still loves, including "Make Way for Ducklings," a classic set in Boston. When we met once for dinner in Bean-Town, he watched as Teh N00b -- barely a year old -- stole a lemon slice off his father's plate and proceed to alternate between tasting it and pulling egregious faces before tasting it again. He laughed, an honest laugh that showed he both saw the humor in a baby wanting to experience the mildly (but interestingly!) unpleasant, and the humor of the parents who were far too amused to "save" their baby.

The combination of serious and silly came out when we would talk with him about his Greek heritage, of which he was very proud. In a serious moment he told me about how his family had a long tradition of alternating names for first sons, and he fully planned to name his first son after his father, and expected his first grandson to be named after him in turn. In sillier moments, he would smile and shake his head silently while we invented new Greek "traditions" for him to follow, mainly involving tridents and hoplight armor and the Boston Aquarium. It didn't make any sense at the time, either, but it made him laugh, because he was willing to accept us as we were -- silly and all.

Since he moved away from Chicago to return to the East Coast a few years ago, we had seen each other only occasionally. But he was the kind of friend that you never forgot to call when in town, always emailed with the important news, and thought about often.

It is a loss I, and his friends, will never forget.

P.S. I am not putting his name here out of respect for his family, whose wishes I don't claim to know. Those of you who know me, already know of whom I speak. Also, rhetorical apologies to Walt Whitman and Dylan Thomas.

The Mortality of Quasi-Objects

2008-03-05T16:08:00.003-06:00

Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Weather Gods

2008-03-03T09:08:00.006-06:00

We're all waiting for Spring, I know, but really, you shouldn't taunt the Weather Gods.

Don't say I didn't warn you, Frustrated Gardener.

Instant Zombie!

2008-03-01T19:30:00.000-06:00

Who needs a makeup artist...

...when you have conjuctivitis? Instant zombie!

Eco-Zombies

2008-02-28T15:46:00.006-06:00

When you think about it, zombies are very eco-friendly. They don't drive gas-guzzlers. They don't clear-cut rainforest for hamburgers. They don't drink bottled water. True, they eat brains, which require people who do do all those things. But what are zombies going to do if they can't eat the living? Die of hunger? Plus, zombies are biodegradable.

I think that instead of turning your lights out for a single hour, true environmentalists should be looking for ways to turn into zombies.

Which, of course, is the biggest problem with environmentalism. Conservation is good, right? But it's also open-ended. One can always conserve more. The person who turns off their lights when not in use can be upstaged by the one who installs CF lightbulbs, who in turn can be upstaged by the person who lives in a cage and clubs things in the dark. Now, I'm as much a fan of environmentalism as the next guy, but you can't deny there is a competitive wing of environmentalists that makes people feel bad about taking small steps. But to have eco-conservation succeed on a significant scale, everybody (mostly) has to be willing to do it.

Unless it is something that is transmitted with 100% virulence by a single bite...

RIP, Creature from the Black Lagoon

2008-02-28T11:24:00.004-06:00

I always read obituaries. It's like a history lesson, but sadder. Plus, it says a lot about us -- what we think is worth remembering and honoring.

Ben Chapman, famous for playing the Creature from the Black Lagoon, recently passed away. No doubt he had a great impact on the cult movie crowd. But I couldn't help but be curious about all those medals he won while a Marine in the Korean War, which (apparently) didn't deserve more than a passing mention...

Green Elvis

2008-02-28T11:13:00.002-06:00

This made my day. Don't you recycle my blue suede shoes! And thanks to the fellow student who left this poster in our broom closet... I mean, office.

Quiz: Do you think the internet will survive the zombie apocalypse?

2008-02-27T21:29:00.004-06:00

Ok, I know I'm not the only zombie fan out there, but it does disturb me a little that so many people claim to be able to tell you whether you will be one of the survivors. Not to mention that so many of these quizzes are pretty dumb, except this one. According to which, I'll live until almost the end of the movie.

Throwing snakes at dogs...

2008-02-27T13:54:00.003-06:00

... that's got to be a -10 odious personal habit. But since it was a Chihuahua, maybe it's only a -5.

Snow typologies from a pedestrian

2008-02-27T10:00:00.002-06:00

It's snowing again. That's not inherently surprising, since this is the midwest in February. But it does give one a chance to create a model of urban society based on why people don't shovel their sidewalks.

Few are the neighbors who shovel completely and in a timely fashion. The rest leave the snow where it falls, forcing the handicapped to ride their wheelchairs in the middle of the road, parents to pull strollers backwards over the impassible sidewalks, and everyone to slip on ice hidden under the snow.

Here's some categories of winter urban residents:

The elderly, the handicapped -- those few who really can't (and shouldn't!) shovel. Usually we mistake them for simply lazy, since in the urban wasteland it's easy for them to slide unseen into anonymity. Hopefully someone notices when they die.

Renters rarely shovel (I was once a renter, and no, I didn't shovel either). They figure it's their landlord's job, and the landlord usually can't be bothered since he or she doesn't live there. Renters are sometimes repaid with icy front stairs that resemble slides.

Corporate renters are a mixed bag. Some don't shovel because they figure if they work in a suit it's not their problem to do some manual labor to make it easy for clients to get to them -- like the Chase Bank down the street.

Yuppie Drivers can't be bothered to shovel their sidewalks, because they don't walk anywhere. They just go out their backdoors straight into a garage, and drive where they want to go in their 4x4 SUVs. They wonder why anyone complains, because obviously the snow will melt eventually, right? They justify not shoveling with urban legends of lawsuits aimed at those who shovel imperfectly. These are the same people who don't want their taxes to pay for public transportation, because they haven't figured out that they don't really want to share the road with the rest of us every morning.

The Lazy spread salt everywhere, sending it into our water systems, rivers, and lakes. Buy a shovel and get some exercise!

Dibbers are too busy shoveling the street to claim a parking space by dumping junk in it to be bothered with the sidewalk. If you've ever wanted to steal lawn chairs or broken tables, just cruise around after a snowstorm. In my opinion, people who do this should be fined double if they don't clear their sidewalk first, because they clearly have the time and energy to shovel something.

Wannabe Neighbors shovel one thin line through the snow, enough for one person to walk one foot right in front of the other (think Catherine Zeta-Jones in the opening scene for Chicago). Well... it's better than nothing, I suppose.

Buckle your seatbelts...

2008-02-25T14:50:00.008-06:00

I share Duck's concern about Ralph Nader entering the Presidential election, but I have a more basic question: what is he hoping to accomplish?! He knows he can't win, right? Heck, even in 2000 he didn't have a chance, and I am only just now learning that he ran in 2004.

If Nader really wants to show that people who feel marginalized can influence their government, what better way than to demonstrate that than to show that he himself can have a positive impact on our nation without running for President? I mean, let's face it, most of us will never have the chance to seriously run for any public office, let alone President. And Nader has done a lot of great things -- like advocating for consumer safety -- without being elected for the job. He can influence this election without running himself.

I agree with Nader that we need to break out of the two party system. But the way to do that is for viable third parties -- like the Greens -- to run serious candidates to win less glamorous offices. There are Greens on city councils and other local offices, and that's where they should be building support for their party. We need Greens at local levels: school boards, water reclamation districts, state representatives.

I guess the Republicans must be happy, though. If Hillary wins the Democratic nomination, they'll be 2 for 2!

Carnivorous compost

2008-02-25T10:37:00.004-06:00

I vermicompost in my basement -- all our banana and vegetable peels, coffee grounds, tea bags, napkins, and n00b rejected food is fed to the red wigglers. Given that our household has one academic, one professional with a crazy work schedule, and one toddler who (inexplicably!) can't sleep on a regular schedule, we have the Most Caffeinated Worms in the Midwest.

Every week or so we take out some dirt and dump it on our postage-stamp yard, or in the pots on the roof. We grow kick-a** tomatoes and everything blooms beautifully, which is the only reason The Spouse puts up with all this.

We don't feed them meat. I don't because it would make the compost smelly. The Spouse won't allow it because of the fear that the worms could develop "a taste for human flesh" and turn on their former masters.

Turns out, that's not as crazy as it sounds.

Open Letter from a Graduate Student

2008-02-22T20:10:00.009-06:00

I think most graduate student complaints can be summed up by this bit of library graffiti:

I hear you, friends. I hear you. Or rather, I don't because you are all too busy writing your dissertations. Escape the library! Tell Francis you love him already!!

How many words does English have for "arrogant bastard"?

2008-02-20T09:19:00.011-06:00

It's front page (FRONT PAGE?!?) news stories like this one in the Chicago Tribune today that make me wonder if social science has had any impact at all. Intro to anthropology? linguistics? global citizens of the 21st century? Whatever. We have more words, so we must be smarter. Never mind that other languages have say, linguistic gatekeepers who decide what words are "real" (such as the Real Academica Espanola). Or that some of the languages listed aren't really languages at all (Manderin? Cantonese? no matter, it's all "Chinese" to us!). This guy has definitively proved American superiority by trolling Google for words like "smirting" -- flirting while smoking outside. Is that a real word?! Any smokers out there want to comment?

The graph breaks down this worldview. Click on the link to see the full version. Apparently we have twice as many words as "Chinese" and four times as many as Spanish. Even lower on the list are the Freedom French. But rest assured, pseudo-linguistics bolsters ultra-conservative geopolitics: "Arabic" has the fewest words of them all.

Maybe Osama bin Laden bombed their vocabulary.

Tylenol: Breakfast of Champions

2008-02-20T08:40:00.004-06:00

What is up with this ad?! It's all over the subway, and everytime I see it I wonder what they are trying to say.

It is a warning? "Skip breakfast and you may get a headache." Is it a command? "Forget breakfast! You get a headache instead!" And what do brand-name over-the-counter meds have to do with it? Do they want us to pop painkillers instead of eating?!

Television Zombies

2008-02-17T19:14:00.004-06:00

This snippet from Susan Jacoby (author of "The Age of American Unreason," a book which I have not read) has convinced me that I have done the right thing by avoiding most television.

Obviously, I watch some TV -- mainly movies and TV series on DVD (current favorites: Battlestar Galactica, Family Guy). I tend to wait until something has stood the test of time and has a few personal recommendations. I did make an exception for Heroes (although due to travel and work I've fallen far behind on that). I can't stand TV news and avoid it at all costs.

The n00b is not completely free of video fun. He likes to watch clips of classic Muppets on Youtube. Plus the videos at Where the Hell is Matt? He loves those. N00b dances around the family room saying "Matt dance, Daddy! Matt dance!" But he's out of the loop of contemporary kid culture. Other parents sometimes ask if he like Elmo (no, but he likes Grover!).

Of course, it's just a matter of time. N00b loves the moving, singing, dancing images, even though he associates them with the computer rather than the TV. And just TRY to get a kid's toothbrush without a cartoon character on it. Go ahead. I dare you.

At least Youtube clips are short and free of commercials. And have Grover. 'Cuz being a crazy liberal, I'd rather have blue muppets than red ones.

Rabbit 1, n00b zero

2008-02-16T10:42:00.005-06:00

No, this isn't a posed photo. He did this to himself. That will teach him to take on the Rabbit.

Lights out for Zombies! March 29

2008-02-15T09:24:00.009-06:00

Join the movement to turn your lights out for an hour on March 29 at 8pm. Because zombies hate light. Give them real nighttime darkness to shamble through, none of that urban light-pollution crap.

Save the zombies, save the planet.

Seriously, when was the last time you saw a star -- let alone more stars than you can count? Living here in a paved, over-lit urban wasteland, we've lost the brilliance of the nighttime sky, scattered with light and pinpoints of mystery. If you don't care about the environment, think about it this way -- maybe, for one hour, you'll get to see the Milky Way. Is it still up there, you know.

Toddler Safety

2008-02-13T18:27:00.004-06:00

"Somebody cut off your penis, Mommy?"

This is a sign to put Simone de Beauvoir above the refrigerator with the cleaning supplies.

Trapdoor Spider Zombie

2008-02-13T18:26:00.005-06:00

Itsy-bitsy spider
went up the water spout
Down came the rain,
and the spider
DROWNED.

Out came the sun and
shriveled up his corpse
and then the
zombie spider
went out in search of
BRAAAAAAINS.