The contents of the vending machine in the ER waiting room:
Pretzels and pretzeloids
Snyders Old Tyme pretzels
Rold Gold Tiny Twists
Chips
Cheetos, Chedder Jalapeno (2 slots)
Baked Lays Ruffles
Doritos Spicy Sweet Chili
Ruffles Thick Cut
Lays Classic
Doritos Nacho Cheese
Lays Kettle Cooked Mesquite BBQ
Cheetos Crunchy
Fritos Chill Cheese
Cheetos Flamin' Hot
Cookies/Cakes/Candies
Zingers
Suzy O's
Snickers
Twix
Reeces Peanut Butter Cups
3 Musketeers (2 slots)
M&Ms (peanut and regular)
Fig Newtons
Chips Ahoy
Danish Shortbread Cookies
Knotts Raspberry cookies
Hostess Pound Cake
These fall into a few discrete categories:
1) Your child shouldn't be eating this if they're here for abdominal pain.
This might include the Flamin' Hots (sadly, so commonly consumed by children ostensibly in the ER for 'nausea and vomiting' that the nurses have an unofficial lobby to get 'eating Flamin' Hot Cheetos' printed on our forms with a yes/no check box).
2) I can't believe they couldn't get Twinkies!
The brilliant marketing folks who came up with 'Hostess Pound Cake' I suppose, that since there's no actual pound cake in the product, it still doesn't violate the Marketer's Oath.
3) Mmmmm....no, no, there should be apples and celery...well, maybe just one...
I think Snickers and Twix fit here best.
4) Why is your kid eating this at all? Why are you eating it? Why does it even exist???
Of course, I suppose these products are the ones that are most in demand, most profitable, and most long-lasting. I guess people would be complaining too if we sold expired egg-salad sandwiches out of an unrefrigerated vending machine. But as a whole, it seems like this is another example of the health care profession shooting itself in the foot. Head shots people! Head shots!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Oh, you want Zombie Food do you?
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3 comments:
Now now, this makes perfect sense. The contents of those vending machines are helping to ensure that there will always be work for cardiologists.
Didn't one of our mutual friends (name rhymes with "Devon Carton") at one point discuss his hospital providing egg-salad sandwiches in an unrefrigerated vending machine? Or did I just hallucinate that?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm craving some Twix...
They should have a machine in the corner that dispenses a clean tube that you then hook up to a soft-serve ice milk machine with multiple spigots in the center of the room. That way, people can sit around it, leaning on uncomfortable chair pads and "couch" cushions like they're in an opium den.
All it's missing are small bowls of powdered Flamin' Hots being passed around to provide the occasional contrast to whatever nightmarishly chemical flavor the ice milk machine is pounding down the tube.
Ok, PMS, I think we need an artist to render your vision. Seriously, Ducks, get on it! :-)
This is along the lines of allowing a McDonald's in a children's hospital. ERs -- where people with kids are often waiting for a long time with cranky and bored children -- are a captive audience. For those who want to addict children to crap zombie-food, this is the perfect marketing opportunity. If hospitals are serious about promoting health in the community they need to think about the mixed messages they are sending. The doctors say "eat healthy, exercise" but the hospital gives parents no options for feeding hungry children in the one space in their patients' lives that they have some control over.
Giving each child an apple or celery sticks when they come into the waiting room would go a long, long way.
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