Holier than thou

Wow. I've just been bitched out by some greenie who thinks my urban gardening, vermicomposting, waiting-for-the-bus ways put me in the same category with people who super-commute from the burbs in their SUVs. Why? Because I dared -- DARED! -- to suggest that bicyclists should ride sober and follow the rules of the road.

Wow. And I thought I was judgemental!

UPDATE: Our greenie from Canada came back, and -- surprise! -- we had more in common than we thought. Welcome, Justin!

People's Gas, Eco-hypocrites

No offense, but this is bullshit.

People's Gas has had ads all over the CTA claiming they want YOU to reduce energy use. They claim on their website that they take an "aggressive stance regarding the use of energy and its impact on the environment."

So how come People's Gas vans are parked and idling their engines everywhere I go? As I write, there is one outside my house that has had its energy running, windows open (so it's not even for the A.C.) for 45 minutes. This is typical.

If you want to reduce energy use, People's Gas, start at home. Get your drivers to turn off their engines while parked. It's really simple. After 10 seconds, you are wasting more gas idling than turning off the engine (unless your car is hella old).

Frankly, Americans complaining about high gas prices doesn't ring true to me. If gas prices were sooooo high I wouldn't see people idling while they eat lunch, snack, or make phone calls. Heck, in other places of the world I saw drivers turn off their engines to coast downhill.

Now that's taking conservation seriously.

Punk by Proxy

I was invited to a clothing swap several months ago, where people who have more fashion in their little toe share their cast-offs with the clothing clueless such as myself. I took a bag of clothes to give away, but no one wanted any of them. One was a professional outfit I bought in the early 1990s, probably designed in the late 1980s, complete with shoulder pads. Someone modeled it (I no longer can fit into it) but no one took it home. In the words of another participant: "Yeah, I think we all had that substitute teacher."

There were bags and bags of leftover clothes. Some were saved for next year, in the hopes that someone will then both fit into and wear with pride items like the red leather pants with a dragon blazoned across the butt. Practical things were sent to The Spouse's hospital workplace to be given away. The rest? Donated.

Of course, I went home with two bags of clothes, and hopefully enough courage to wear them. I'm a conservative dresser, but truth is I wish I were a punk. I dyed part of my hair purple a few months ago but... no one noticed. Disappointing, to say the least.

The Five Second Prayer

I've been giving a lot of thought to this article, that Ducks pointed me towards earlier (thanks!). The summary:

An MIT class has estimated the carbon emissions of Americans in a wide variety of lifestyles -- from the homeless to multimillionaires, from Buddhist monks to soccer moms -- and compared them to those of other nations. The somewhat disquieting bottom line is that in the United States, even the people with the lowest usage of energy are still producing, on average, more than double the global per-capita average.

This is because they are assuming that even the homeless are responsible for the CO2 produced by their share of streetlights, police services, transportation infrastructure, and other "public goods." That's not a bad way to calculate things. I do believe if we want to make a serious effort to curb our impact on the environment, then we have to make that decision as a society for it to have any real results. This study just confirms that, in my mind -- our society is wasteful on a truly grand scale.

Now, this begs the question, of course: Sam, aren't you just another damn eco-zombie, so concerned with your stupid worms and recycling and taking the CTA when all those things don't make any difference? Why not just eat, drink and be merry until the government taxes the hell out of gas, hamburgers, and the American way? Or until we destroy our planet (or at least our place in it) because we can't reach a consensus about how to curb ourselves?

But there is something to all this that goes beyond quantitative measures of CO2 (although yes, I care about that too). For me, this is not just about footprints and carbon sinks. When I sort paper or dig through dark, rich compost mulch or try to find ways to use a little less plastic, I feel connected to something larger than myself. Something big and eternal and maybe a little scary. Something one can't truly escape and can't fully confront.

This is prayer.

Prayer, for many, is quiet and powerful. They can sit silently, quietly thinking, communing with higher powers. For them, prayer is done with hands clasped, hands raised, quietly or singing, standing or sitting, alone or in church.

I have occasionally felt something in those contexts, but my daily prayers are very different. Often less than five seconds, these are silent -- not just unvoiced, but unarticulated. Certainly they would go unrecognized for what they are. This is not about words, but about action. Ritual action, perhaps (Victor Turner, anyone?).

I describe myself as a deist (no, I don't agree with everything or everyone associated with that philosophy, but isn't that normal for any religious community?). I believe seriously in the mystery of Creation as something ever-changing, ever evolving. Considering the diversity on this planet -- how many beetles? what is living on the bottom of the ocean? -- let alone other planets in the universe, I cannot believe God is confined by gender, language, culture -- or humanity. Or that It cares more about humans than about mosquitoes, or bacteria, or octopuses. One day Creation will not include me, or you, or humans at all. I don't buy that we are the end-product of Creation, the masterpiece of the universe, God's only children.

I also don't believe that God (or whatever you want to call it) explains Itself primarily in books or words. I don't have a problem with other religions, mind you (not even the one I left). We don't all have the same hobbies, the same passions; I can't see any evidence that God wants us all to join the same religion. But God did create a "text," if you will. It is all around us -- not confined the page -- even if our experience of it is akin to the blind men and the elephant.

If God doesn't speak to us in words alone, then why do we think that our prayers need to be limited to that genre? My prayers are actions. Like turning off the lights. Like turning off my computer power cord. Like composting. Like planting native plants that feed butterflies. Little actions premised on the idea that little things matter, and maybe, eventually, can lead to bigger things.

Flip the switch. Amen.

Designated Bicyclist

Hey greenies, haven't you ever heard that you shouldn't drink and bike?! What the hell kind of tagline is this? As if we didn't have enough trouble with crazy-ass bicyclists who think the rules of the road don't apply to them.

Followup: Throwing pizza at whales

Piece Pizzeria's greenwashing is complete. The Second City Greens are meeting there this week. The sad part is that Crust, one of our nation's very few organic restaurants, serves amazing organic pizza within a mere ten minute walk of Piece. And I've never caught Crust running their AC with the windows open.

It's the little things, folks, not that I should have to point that out to fellow environmentalists.

Speaking of greenwashing, Greenpeace has started a new website dedicated to exposing greenwashing. But they have not yet responded to my email asking about Piece's fundraiser on their behalf -- a fundraiser that I personally feel is greenwashing writ small.

FYI, Here's my email to them, sent April 23, 2008:

Hello Greenpeace investigators,

I'm writing to ask about a local issue I've been following here in the Wicker Park/Bucktown neighborhood of Chicago, IL. A local restaurant, Piece Pizzeria (which I don't consider to be environmentally friendly for reasons I explain on my blog, see URL below) recently publicly claimed to have done a fundraiser for Greenpeace. I'd be curious to hear (if you are allowed to say) whether you actually received a donation from Piece Pizzeria on North Avenue for their St. Patrick's Day fundraiser.

You can read my comments on this business (and see photos of their advertising for the fundraiser on your behalf) at: http://trapdoorzombie.blogspot.com/2008/03/piece-pizzeria-in-wicker-park.html. While the post is somewhat sarcastic in tone, I am serious in my feeling that this is basically greenwashing, albeit on a small scale.

I'd love to hear your comments.

Greenpeace: the silence speaks volumes. And I, at least, am listening.

Experts on compostable plastic: It doesn't work.

The BPI (Biodegradable Products Institute), which does independent testing, agrees that biodegradable plastics don't really work, especially not in landfills. After my little experiment with Chiquita's version of this eco-plastic, I couldn't agree more.

(Thanks to PMS for sending the link to BPI!)

Compostable Plastic, you say? Another Chiquita failure

Me and my worms are always up for a composting challenge. Luckily we have Chiquita to provide one.

Latin Americanists such as myself have reason to distrust claims made by Chiquita, formerly the United Fruit Company, purveyors of fine tropic fruits and Guatemalan military coups. More recently, Chiquita was fined by the U.S. Justice Department for making large protection pay-offs to Columbian rebel groups, including the FARC and ELN. Even leaving aside the question of whether banana production for the world market is inherently an environmental problem, this is not a company that has a track record of respecting human rights in general (which for my part, I see as integrally linked to environmental rights).

Anyway, two months ago Don Gusano purchased salad from Fresh Express (a Chiquita subsidiary) which came in a plastic-looking container than proudly declared itself to be "eco-friendly," made of corn, and compostable.

I could hear my worms saying in their tiny, high-pitched invertebrate voices, "Bring it on, bitch!"

So I did.

On March 15, 2008, I cut this plastic up into palm-sized pieces and put it in my worm bin.


On April 30 -- about 45 days later, which is average for my bin -- I harvested that layer. I noticed the normal level of decomposition -- egg shells were still in tact, everything else was broken down. The "compostable plastic", however, looked about the same as when I'd put it in (except dirtier).

Well, far be it for me to question the claims of Chiquita's scientists. I'll give it another round and report back. Meanwhile, you all can take bets on how many YEARS it takes for this stuff to rot -- and how many governments Chiquita manages to overthrow between now and then.

Taking my preachiness elsewhere

Ok, I realize I've been a little too eco-preachy. Sorry about that. So I'm going to spare you all and move my eco-anger posts elsewhere [URL deleted -- see comments]. I'd love to have you guys come and visit there too... but, if you'd rather not, I'm sure there will still be more than enough cynicism here to go around. :-)

Addition: This idea has been scrapped. Back to your regularly scheduled sarcasm!

Open Letter to Mayor Daley

Dear Mr. Daley,

I am appalled that you would allow part of Lincoln Park to be sold for the exclusive use of an elite private school. As a resident of Chicago who spends time in Lincoln Park, this affects me and my young son directly. As an environmentalist, it is simply shocking.

Our city has very little open space. What we have should be protected for everyone to use -- whether or not they can afford to send their children to elite private schools such as the Latin School. Closing this space off to the majority of the city's residents, not to mention allowing it be turned into a soccer field, calls into serious question your claims to be an environmentalist.

Being "green" is not about mere tulips. It is realizing that we are all dependent on the earth and have both the right to share in its beauty and bounty, and the responsibility to protect and promote other forms of life on the planet -- even when we have the money, power, and technology to do what is merely convenient for ourselves.

Please reconsider this disastrous decision.

cc: Mayor Daley, directly via his website.

Rise of the Eco-Zombies: Definitions

Don Gusano has already noted the ecological benefits of zombification, not to mention the one-upmanship of certain sectors of the U.S. environmentalist movement. I want to take his analysis one step further: who/what are Eco-Zombies?

Zombies -- for those of you who don't know -- emerged as a concept in the Caribbean (or possibly in Africa) through the interactions between African religious beliefs brought to the New World, and the grinding misery caused by world demand for cash crops such as sugar. In this context, zombies were people who thought themselves to be dead and could be thus tricked into working in agroindustrial processes such as cutting sugar cane. They didn't need to be shot in the head: they could be awoken.

This connection between zombies and the worst aspects of capitalism has carried over into North Atlantic movie fascination with the creature. From Dawn of the Dead's mall consumerism to Sean of the Dead's routinized purchasing, the living and their zombie counterparts are linked through the processes of production and consumption. Most of these movies explore not the difference between the living and the dead, but the question of how much the living are already like the dead.

Enter the Eco-Zombie.

Many self-described environmentalists in the U.S. (at least) don't seem to realize that by being green(er) they have not escaped from capitalist materialism. Instead, they have simply become another niche market. Excessive consumption is inherently an environmental problem, but the eco-zombie thinks that if something is marked "Green" (or "Natural" or whatever) then buying it will be better than not buying it. In other words, they believe that consumption itself can solve environmental problems.

Many businesses are all too happy to agree as they sell recycled-this and fair-trade-that for prices that most can't afford. Environmentalism becomes another statement of wealth, something that only the upper classes can afford to flaunt. Better to buy green than not -- but do we really need so much stuff?! It seems to me that excessive buying is itself part of the problem.

There are real environmentalists out there, don't get me wrong. Even with my composting, low-flow shower heads, and semi-successful attempts at native gardening, I don't hold a candle to them. They've taught me about local invasive species and introduced me to my wonderful worm companions. No doubt they buy recycled products and shop at local farmers' markets, but they are not trying to make "statements" with consumer goods.

For Eco-zombies, on the other hand, it is not really about the environment. It is a kind of individualistic greenwashing, an attempt to buy one's way into a movement that actually requires an investment of time rather than money. Eco-zombies don't realize that the problem is not just what you buy, but how much. And they are the true market for businesses that sell green -- or "greeeeeen" -- products.

Now, if you'll excuse me... I have some shopping to do...

World Peace Through Doggie Blogs?!

People like this need a life. Pets do not need blogs, folks. They just don't.

Except, of course, my worms. My wonderful red wigglers, that I seriously considered taking to a local pet psychic just to see what would happen ("I don't know, they're not eating as well recently. Especially not Percival here. Are they depressed?").

Let's face it, a worm blog would be pretty boring. "Today: Munch, shit, munch, shit, munch, shit. Oh goodie, more coffee grounds. Reproduce. Repeat." I'm am very glad to say that I couldn't actually find anyone who tried to write a blog on behalf of their worms. If you find one, please don't tell me. I don't want to know.

Piece Pizzeria in Wicker Park: Greenwashing for St. Patrick's

The other day I was walking home from the CTA station in Wicker Park and saw this banner outside of Piece, a local pizzeria and brewery on North Avenue just east of Damen:


Now, this sounds like a catchy, cute idea, right? Green, like the Irish, like the environmental movement? Piece? Peace? Greenpeace? Get it?

Yeah.

The problem is that this restaurant is such an obvious environmental nightmare that I won't even eat there anymore. Why? Because all summer long, they blast their air-conditioning while leaving two large windows open so their clients can commune with the busy street outside.

Now, I don't object to outdoor seating, but Piece doesn't have any of that. Walking past in the summer -- as I do to commute across the city by train and bus -- I am reminded by blasts of unseasonally frigid air that my efforts to reduce my own environmental impact (by not driving to work) are completely wiped out by the selfishness of this establishment and their clients.

Here's a recent (early Spring) photo -- the two large windows are closed now, but it will give you a sense of their size. While the government is trying to get the rest of us to seal small leaks in our windows and ducts to improve energy efficiency, these guys flaunt the fact that they don't give a flying f***.


Now, Don Gusano has pointed out that perhaps I should be more charitable. Perhaps they've had a change of heart and realized the errors of their ways. To that end, I propose a betting pool on when they open their windows again for the summer. Don Gusano, if you bet "No, they'll leave them closed this year" you will lose.

Now, I'm as sympathetic to guys who want to throw rotten butter at Japanese whalers as the next greenie. But come on, people. If the owners of Piece really gave a s*** about the whales, or anything else in the ocean, they would consider their restaurant's daily practices. Rising ocean temperatures caused by the indiscriminate use of fossil fuels affects the entire ecosystem that whales depend on. It also affects agriculture, and therefore all of us too. Rising wheat and corn prices aren't as dramatic as sea battles, but they will have far more impact in the long run -- especially on those people who couldn't afford to eat at Piece in the first place.

Instead, Piece's owners and/or staff (who apparently also have a rep for being rude) and their eco-zombie patrons plan to assuage their guilt by holding one cleverly named fund-raiser for an organization with a name they can't even spell.


Usually I am the very last person to criticize a spelling error. But "Grenpeace"? That sounds like a parody site just waiting to happen. And clearly, it should be short for "Grendle-peace," an international organization dedicated to improving relations between humans and large scary monsters that might eat them. Now, that's a cause I could get behind.

Do you want to do something really green for St. Patrick's? Boycott Piece.

Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Weather Gods

We're all waiting for Spring, I know, but really, you shouldn't taunt the Weather Gods.


Don't say I didn't warn you, Frustrated Gardener.

Green Elvis

This made my day. Don't you recycle my blue suede shoes! And thanks to the fellow student who left this poster in our broom closet... I mean, office.

Carnivorous compost

I vermicompost in my basement -- all our banana and vegetable peels, coffee grounds, tea bags, napkins, and n00b rejected food is fed to the red wigglers. Given that our household has one academic, one professional with a crazy work schedule, and one toddler who (inexplicably!) can't sleep on a regular schedule, we have the Most Caffeinated Worms in the Midwest.

Every week or so we take out some dirt and dump it on our postage-stamp yard, or in the pots on the roof. We grow kick-a** tomatoes and everything blooms beautifully, which is the only reason The Spouse puts up with all this.

We don't feed them meat. I don't because it would make the compost smelly. The Spouse won't allow it because of the fear that the worms could develop "a taste for human flesh" and turn on their former masters.

Turns out, that's not as crazy as it sounds.