Holier than thou

Wow. I've just been bitched out by some greenie who thinks my urban gardening, vermicomposting, waiting-for-the-bus ways put me in the same category with people who super-commute from the burbs in their SUVs. Why? Because I dared -- DARED! -- to suggest that bicyclists should ride sober and follow the rules of the road.

Wow. And I thought I was judgemental!

UPDATE: Our greenie from Canada came back, and -- surprise! -- we had more in common than we thought. Welcome, Justin!

A Loving Mother? Take Two

Well, turns out Marion might be right (see the comments) -- Trig is probably Palin's kid. Even Daily Kos has taken down the article, and shame on them if they published photos with incorrect dates.

But it's too bad, because I really liked that story about Palin far better than the one she is actually telling.

If the rumors had been true that Trig was her grandchild, I would have had far more respect for Palin. It's true she would have used her influence to cover up the truth, which shows questionable judgment. But it would have shown someone who was willing to take a fall for the love of her child. That as a mother, Palin was willing to sacrifice for her daughter's mistake.

Instead, we have Palin using her daughter -- and her daughter's shotgun fiance -- as a political pawn. She wants her daughter to make the sacrifice -- both a too-soon baby and a too-early marriage -- for her mother's political career. Palin knows that a divorce would come after the election, so what does she care if it doesn't work out?

In my book, that's selfish. So you have a pregnant daughter, ok. But parading her around as evidence for your conservative viewpoint? Dragging the 17-year-old boyfriend to MN so he can prove to conservatives that he'll do the "right thing"? What do his parents think?

They are both just kids and Palin should keep them out of the spotlight.

Meanwhile, curiouser and curiouser about Palin's own youth. Five colleges in six years?! That's just weird.

People's Gas, Eco-hypocrites

No offense, but this is bullshit.

People's Gas has had ads all over the CTA claiming they want YOU to reduce energy use. They claim on their website that they take an "aggressive stance regarding the use of energy and its impact on the environment."

So how come People's Gas vans are parked and idling their engines everywhere I go? As I write, there is one outside my house that has had its energy running, windows open (so it's not even for the A.C.) for 45 minutes. This is typical.

If you want to reduce energy use, People's Gas, start at home. Get your drivers to turn off their engines while parked. It's really simple. After 10 seconds, you are wasting more gas idling than turning off the engine (unless your car is hella old).

Frankly, Americans complaining about high gas prices doesn't ring true to me. If gas prices were sooooo high I wouldn't see people idling while they eat lunch, snack, or make phone calls. Heck, in other places of the world I saw drivers turn off their engines to coast downhill.

Now that's taking conservation seriously.

Scientologist Pharmacists, Unite!

Bush and Friends (TM) is once again trying to make it acceptable for pharmacists to "object" (read: not do their jobs) to dispensing birth control and emergency contraception to women.

Let's not mince words: this is stupid and immoral. The vast majority of American women want (and exercise) the right to birth control, and pharmacists do not (IMHO) have the right to interfere in any decisions between doctors and patients of either gender. It is their job to dispense medications correctly, not make judgments or diagnoses. If they can't do that, they should find another job.

But if this passes, it raises a serious question. Can a Scientologist pharmacist who does not believe in chemical treatments for depression and other mental illnesses refuse to dispense Prozac?

Unfortunately, conservative Christian backers of these kinds of things often don't think through these kinds of legal consequences. Laws, after all, apply to everyone, not just (one definition of) the Chosen Few.

Oh, Mr. Savage will know they are Christians....

...by the fact that they entice teenagers to pray with the chance to win a semiautomatic assault rifle.

Just because the Bible says you can't (shouldn't?) murder anyone DOESN'T mean you shouldn't be prepared. Amen.

Anthropology vs. Life in General

Saw this on my way to teach an Anthropology class. "Study Anthropology as it happens." In Starbucks.

Now, I don't have a problem with ethnographies of coffee shops (in fact, I encourage them). But I've noticed a real confusion among non-academics about what anthropology is. It is not whatever people happen to do. That is merely the starting point of anthropological research.

Anthropology is about creating knowledge in a -- literally -- disciplined way. That means participating, observing, writing fieldnotes, doing interviews, transcribing tapes, extensively coding data, and finally writing documents that generally only other anthropologists read, mainly because they want to see whether you've read what they themselves wrote.

I assume this process is not what Starbucks is inviting us to see over a tall half-caf caramel latte. It would be boring to watch anyway. They are inviting us to people watch -- fun, but not the same thing as anthropology.

The Five Second Prayer

I've been giving a lot of thought to this article, that Ducks pointed me towards earlier (thanks!). The summary:

An MIT class has estimated the carbon emissions of Americans in a wide variety of lifestyles -- from the homeless to multimillionaires, from Buddhist monks to soccer moms -- and compared them to those of other nations. The somewhat disquieting bottom line is that in the United States, even the people with the lowest usage of energy are still producing, on average, more than double the global per-capita average.

This is because they are assuming that even the homeless are responsible for the CO2 produced by their share of streetlights, police services, transportation infrastructure, and other "public goods." That's not a bad way to calculate things. I do believe if we want to make a serious effort to curb our impact on the environment, then we have to make that decision as a society for it to have any real results. This study just confirms that, in my mind -- our society is wasteful on a truly grand scale.

Now, this begs the question, of course: Sam, aren't you just another damn eco-zombie, so concerned with your stupid worms and recycling and taking the CTA when all those things don't make any difference? Why not just eat, drink and be merry until the government taxes the hell out of gas, hamburgers, and the American way? Or until we destroy our planet (or at least our place in it) because we can't reach a consensus about how to curb ourselves?

But there is something to all this that goes beyond quantitative measures of CO2 (although yes, I care about that too). For me, this is not just about footprints and carbon sinks. When I sort paper or dig through dark, rich compost mulch or try to find ways to use a little less plastic, I feel connected to something larger than myself. Something big and eternal and maybe a little scary. Something one can't truly escape and can't fully confront.

This is prayer.

Prayer, for many, is quiet and powerful. They can sit silently, quietly thinking, communing with higher powers. For them, prayer is done with hands clasped, hands raised, quietly or singing, standing or sitting, alone or in church.

I have occasionally felt something in those contexts, but my daily prayers are very different. Often less than five seconds, these are silent -- not just unvoiced, but unarticulated. Certainly they would go unrecognized for what they are. This is not about words, but about action. Ritual action, perhaps (Victor Turner, anyone?).

I describe myself as a deist (no, I don't agree with everything or everyone associated with that philosophy, but isn't that normal for any religious community?). I believe seriously in the mystery of Creation as something ever-changing, ever evolving. Considering the diversity on this planet -- how many beetles? what is living on the bottom of the ocean? -- let alone other planets in the universe, I cannot believe God is confined by gender, language, culture -- or humanity. Or that It cares more about humans than about mosquitoes, or bacteria, or octopuses. One day Creation will not include me, or you, or humans at all. I don't buy that we are the end-product of Creation, the masterpiece of the universe, God's only children.

I also don't believe that God (or whatever you want to call it) explains Itself primarily in books or words. I don't have a problem with other religions, mind you (not even the one I left). We don't all have the same hobbies, the same passions; I can't see any evidence that God wants us all to join the same religion. But God did create a "text," if you will. It is all around us -- not confined the page -- even if our experience of it is akin to the blind men and the elephant.

If God doesn't speak to us in words alone, then why do we think that our prayers need to be limited to that genre? My prayers are actions. Like turning off the lights. Like turning off my computer power cord. Like composting. Like planting native plants that feed butterflies. Little actions premised on the idea that little things matter, and maybe, eventually, can lead to bigger things.

Flip the switch. Amen.

Designated Bicyclist

Hey greenies, haven't you ever heard that you shouldn't drink and bike?! What the hell kind of tagline is this? As if we didn't have enough trouble with crazy-ass bicyclists who think the rules of the road don't apply to them.

Followup: Throwing pizza at whales

Piece Pizzeria's greenwashing is complete. The Second City Greens are meeting there this week. The sad part is that Crust, one of our nation's very few organic restaurants, serves amazing organic pizza within a mere ten minute walk of Piece. And I've never caught Crust running their AC with the windows open.

It's the little things, folks, not that I should have to point that out to fellow environmentalists.

Speaking of greenwashing, Greenpeace has started a new website dedicated to exposing greenwashing. But they have not yet responded to my email asking about Piece's fundraiser on their behalf -- a fundraiser that I personally feel is greenwashing writ small.

FYI, Here's my email to them, sent April 23, 2008:

Hello Greenpeace investigators,

I'm writing to ask about a local issue I've been following here in the Wicker Park/Bucktown neighborhood of Chicago, IL. A local restaurant, Piece Pizzeria (which I don't consider to be environmentally friendly for reasons I explain on my blog, see URL below) recently publicly claimed to have done a fundraiser for Greenpeace. I'd be curious to hear (if you are allowed to say) whether you actually received a donation from Piece Pizzeria on North Avenue for their St. Patrick's Day fundraiser.

You can read my comments on this business (and see photos of their advertising for the fundraiser on your behalf) at: http://trapdoorzombie.blogspot.com/2008/03/piece-pizzeria-in-wicker-park.html. While the post is somewhat sarcastic in tone, I am serious in my feeling that this is basically greenwashing, albeit on a small scale.

I'd love to hear your comments.

Greenpeace: the silence speaks volumes. And I, at least, am listening.

Open Letter to Mayor Daley

Dear Mr. Daley,

I am appalled that you would allow part of Lincoln Park to be sold for the exclusive use of an elite private school. As a resident of Chicago who spends time in Lincoln Park, this affects me and my young son directly. As an environmentalist, it is simply shocking.

Our city has very little open space. What we have should be protected for everyone to use -- whether or not they can afford to send their children to elite private schools such as the Latin School. Closing this space off to the majority of the city's residents, not to mention allowing it be turned into a soccer field, calls into serious question your claims to be an environmentalist.

Being "green" is not about mere tulips. It is realizing that we are all dependent on the earth and have both the right to share in its beauty and bounty, and the responsibility to protect and promote other forms of life on the planet -- even when we have the money, power, and technology to do what is merely convenient for ourselves.

Please reconsider this disastrous decision.

cc: Mayor Daley, directly via his website.

Oh, you want Zombie Food do you?

The contents of the vending machine in the ER waiting room:

Pretzels and pretzeloids

Snyders Old Tyme pretzels
Rold Gold Tiny Twists

Chips

Cheetos, Chedder Jalapeno (2 slots)
Baked Lays Ruffles
Doritos Spicy Sweet Chili
Ruffles Thick Cut
Lays Classic
Doritos Nacho Cheese
Lays Kettle Cooked Mesquite BBQ
Cheetos Crunchy
Fritos Chill Cheese
Cheetos Flamin' Hot

Cookies/Cakes/Candies

Zingers
Suzy O's
Snickers
Twix
Reeces Peanut Butter Cups
3 Musketeers (2 slots)
M&Ms (peanut and regular)
Fig Newtons
Chips Ahoy
Danish Shortbread Cookies
Knotts Raspberry cookies
Hostess Pound Cake

These fall into a few discrete categories:

1) Your child shouldn't be eating this if they're here for abdominal pain.

This might include the Flamin' Hots (sadly, so commonly consumed by children ostensibly in the ER for 'nausea and vomiting' that the nurses have an unofficial lobby to get 'eating Flamin' Hot Cheetos' printed on our forms with a yes/no check box).

2) I can't believe they couldn't get Twinkies!

The brilliant marketing folks who came up with 'Hostess Pound Cake' I suppose, that since there's no actual pound cake in the product, it still doesn't violate the Marketer's Oath.

3) Mmmmm....no, no, there should be apples and celery...well, maybe just one...

I think Snickers and Twix fit here best.

4) Why is your kid eating this at all? Why are you eating it? Why does it even exist???

Of course, I suppose these products are the ones that are most in demand, most profitable, and most long-lasting. I guess people would be complaining too if we sold expired egg-salad sandwiches out of an unrefrigerated vending machine. But as a whole, it seems like this is another example of the health care profession shooting itself in the foot. Head shots people! Head shots!

Rise of the Eco-Zombies: Definitions

Don Gusano has already noted the ecological benefits of zombification, not to mention the one-upmanship of certain sectors of the U.S. environmentalist movement. I want to take his analysis one step further: who/what are Eco-Zombies?

Zombies -- for those of you who don't know -- emerged as a concept in the Caribbean (or possibly in Africa) through the interactions between African religious beliefs brought to the New World, and the grinding misery caused by world demand for cash crops such as sugar. In this context, zombies were people who thought themselves to be dead and could be thus tricked into working in agroindustrial processes such as cutting sugar cane. They didn't need to be shot in the head: they could be awoken.

This connection between zombies and the worst aspects of capitalism has carried over into North Atlantic movie fascination with the creature. From Dawn of the Dead's mall consumerism to Sean of the Dead's routinized purchasing, the living and their zombie counterparts are linked through the processes of production and consumption. Most of these movies explore not the difference between the living and the dead, but the question of how much the living are already like the dead.

Enter the Eco-Zombie.

Many self-described environmentalists in the U.S. (at least) don't seem to realize that by being green(er) they have not escaped from capitalist materialism. Instead, they have simply become another niche market. Excessive consumption is inherently an environmental problem, but the eco-zombie thinks that if something is marked "Green" (or "Natural" or whatever) then buying it will be better than not buying it. In other words, they believe that consumption itself can solve environmental problems.

Many businesses are all too happy to agree as they sell recycled-this and fair-trade-that for prices that most can't afford. Environmentalism becomes another statement of wealth, something that only the upper classes can afford to flaunt. Better to buy green than not -- but do we really need so much stuff?! It seems to me that excessive buying is itself part of the problem.

There are real environmentalists out there, don't get me wrong. Even with my composting, low-flow shower heads, and semi-successful attempts at native gardening, I don't hold a candle to them. They've taught me about local invasive species and introduced me to my wonderful worm companions. No doubt they buy recycled products and shop at local farmers' markets, but they are not trying to make "statements" with consumer goods.

For Eco-zombies, on the other hand, it is not really about the environment. It is a kind of individualistic greenwashing, an attempt to buy one's way into a movement that actually requires an investment of time rather than money. Eco-zombies don't realize that the problem is not just what you buy, but how much. And they are the true market for businesses that sell green -- or "greeeeeen" -- products.

Now, if you'll excuse me... I have some shopping to do...

Tell us some real news, Chicago Tribune!

Ah, more newspaper "human interest" stories... they make so much more sense when juxtaposed...

Front page news: Rich, white, gifted Evanston teen gets into Harvard despite the great hardship of having parents who are wealthy enough to be able to homeschool, send her to Ireland to learn the Irish Harp, to Tibet to study Buddhism, and to Greece to learn philosophy.

Excuse me, but the fact that privileged (in both the economic and the intellectual sense) white kids get into Harvard is not news, people. And certainly not front-page news.

Meanwhile, the Trib puts this in the Metro section: Englewood African-American teen murdered at a drug- and alcohol-free party, apparently in front of a police officer while defending his younger brother.

Speaks for itself.

Non-refundable education

Imagine the scenario: You buy tickets to see the orchestra. They're playing at 7pm. But, you know, you have to do laundry. Or your roommate invited you to play World of Warcraft. Or you needed to go see some other show you also had tickets to at 7pm. Or you were sleeping.

So obviously, the logical thing to do is email the conductor and ask if they can't play again, just for you, at 8:30pm instead because you are so, so sorry but you really don't want to miss anything.

While it might never cross my students' minds to do such a thing to an orchestra conductor, they seem to think that this is a completely reasonable request of a college professor.

Kids, it's a performance. An expensive, expensive performance, if you do the math (not that I see much of that phat loot). You cannot just email me after you've skipped class and ask me to meet with you privately to "go over what you missed."

If you miss my show, you miss it. Get a review from someone who bothered to attend.

Obama's Pastor vs. Your Crazy Uncle

I really don't understand why so many people are concerned about what Obama's pastor said, or why he didn't rush to leave his church over it, or (in the words of Eric Zorn at the Trib) wondering "why Obama didn’t act years ago to defuse the obvious political time bomb contained in the rhetoric of Rev. Jeremiah Wright."

Ok, am I the ONLY person who is related to crazy people?

Come on, admit it. You have a crazy relative. Cra-zy. Someone whose ideas are so beyond the pale that they are simply embarrassing to hear, but in the name of family peace everyone just looks uncomfortable over family dinners and tries to change the subject. Someone you used to argue with when you were younger, until you realized there was no point, because they thought that way long before you were born and would continue to think that way until they left this earth, so you might as well save your breath.

And yet, you love them.

Why?

Loyalty to family? The fact that he is the crazy uncle who writes to you? That's the aunt who remembers your birthday? The cousin who would drive 2000 miles to watch your cat for a week? She's the life of the party? A great confidant? Because he's willing to step in to point out that love trumps everything? Or just because?

Now, people will say that Obama and Rev. Wright are not related. Coming from a very small family (like Obama does) I realize that for many people, family are where you make it. Some people are blessed with large families. I'm not. Instead, I have friends (some of whom are reading this) that I consider family. I would do anything for them if the chips were down. (I hope they know that, too.)

And some of my friends are a little crazy (in a good way!). But even if they became more crazy, I would still stick by them. Because I love them. Because they are family.

Family means that sometimes you ignore the crazy and focus on the good. And this country needs someone who can do that, not cynically for the sake of politics, but honestly. We need someone who can be generous. Being generous is not the same thing as agreeing.

Obama has forgiven his pastor, even as he rejected some of his philosophies. Most of us would have no family at all if we weren't willing to do that once in a while. I think all this is to Obama's credit, not his detriment.

World Peace Through Doggie Blogs?!

People like this need a life. Pets do not need blogs, folks. They just don't.

Except, of course, my worms. My wonderful red wigglers, that I seriously considered taking to a local pet psychic just to see what would happen ("I don't know, they're not eating as well recently. Especially not Percival here. Are they depressed?").

Let's face it, a worm blog would be pretty boring. "Today: Munch, shit, munch, shit, munch, shit. Oh goodie, more coffee grounds. Reproduce. Repeat." I'm am very glad to say that I couldn't actually find anyone who tried to write a blog on behalf of their worms. If you find one, please don't tell me. I don't want to know.

It's always zombie season here...

A few months ago I got a new computer.

This means that I can now play all the new games that came out 2 years ago. Don't be silly. The games that come out this year require far too much computing power.

It makes for an interesting insight into what must be very hard to program, moderately hard to program, and so forth. For instance, mirrors must be very difficult. You're more likely to find a mirror in the house of a self-conscious acne-plagued vampire than in a first person shooter. Bullet holes are moderate. Given how much shooting goes on in shooters, you might have thought this would have been solved already. But either they don't make holes, or the holes disappear after a while (which looks really weird when you see it happening).

But what must be virtually impossible to do is deviate at all from the script of the stupid FPS genre. Every damn one of them, since the start of the genre, uses the same elements. Start off by fighting "soldiers." Put a couple of cosmetic touches on them (insect soldiers in Halo, for instance), but they all do the same thing. Run around, hide, and shoot at you. After you get tired of slaughtering them for a while, add in zombies. Put a couple of cosmetic touches on them. (mutants in Far Cry, demons in Doom, etc.), but they all do the same thing. Run up and try to bite you. Then, do combos (soldiers and zombies together! zombies busting out of a closet! soldiers fighting zombies!) Finally, you'll need a boss fight. Of course, if you don't want to use zombies, you can always use Nazis. Ain't nobody like no Nazis.

You'd think that if the companies could spend $1 million getting their engine to push polygons 3% faster and shade their pixels 3% better, they could spend 100 bucks to come up with a new form. But the best anyone has come up with (aside from Thief, which is now probably so old that only net Gomers like myself remember it) is to make cosmetic changes to what is essentially the same game.

Is it the Hollywood problem? People are now sinking so much into these games, that they'd rather make an uninspired but profitable sequel? Is it an open contempt for the consumers (who, granted, are usually profane 10 year olds playing in an internet cafe and screaming obscenities at each other). Is it just what consumers really want?

--- supplemental rant follows ---

Oh, good, another jumping puzzle. That's just what I want in my shooters. Give me a character who can jump one, and only one distance; force me to jump on a series of improbably placed objects over a deadly chasm. They lack the kinetic joy of movement and balance, and they are generally frustrating as hell because the controls for jumping are usually an afterthought in a game that is, let's face, all about firearmy carnage. But they ALL have them. They're e-syphilis.

Piece Pizzeria in Wicker Park: Greenwashing for St. Patrick's

The other day I was walking home from the CTA station in Wicker Park and saw this banner outside of Piece, a local pizzeria and brewery on North Avenue just east of Damen:


Now, this sounds like a catchy, cute idea, right? Green, like the Irish, like the environmental movement? Piece? Peace? Greenpeace? Get it?

Yeah.

The problem is that this restaurant is such an obvious environmental nightmare that I won't even eat there anymore. Why? Because all summer long, they blast their air-conditioning while leaving two large windows open so their clients can commune with the busy street outside.

Now, I don't object to outdoor seating, but Piece doesn't have any of that. Walking past in the summer -- as I do to commute across the city by train and bus -- I am reminded by blasts of unseasonally frigid air that my efforts to reduce my own environmental impact (by not driving to work) are completely wiped out by the selfishness of this establishment and their clients.

Here's a recent (early Spring) photo -- the two large windows are closed now, but it will give you a sense of their size. While the government is trying to get the rest of us to seal small leaks in our windows and ducts to improve energy efficiency, these guys flaunt the fact that they don't give a flying f***.


Now, Don Gusano has pointed out that perhaps I should be more charitable. Perhaps they've had a change of heart and realized the errors of their ways. To that end, I propose a betting pool on when they open their windows again for the summer. Don Gusano, if you bet "No, they'll leave them closed this year" you will lose.

Now, I'm as sympathetic to guys who want to throw rotten butter at Japanese whalers as the next greenie. But come on, people. If the owners of Piece really gave a s*** about the whales, or anything else in the ocean, they would consider their restaurant's daily practices. Rising ocean temperatures caused by the indiscriminate use of fossil fuels affects the entire ecosystem that whales depend on. It also affects agriculture, and therefore all of us too. Rising wheat and corn prices aren't as dramatic as sea battles, but they will have far more impact in the long run -- especially on those people who couldn't afford to eat at Piece in the first place.

Instead, Piece's owners and/or staff (who apparently also have a rep for being rude) and their eco-zombie patrons plan to assuage their guilt by holding one cleverly named fund-raiser for an organization with a name they can't even spell.


Usually I am the very last person to criticize a spelling error. But "Grenpeace"? That sounds like a parody site just waiting to happen. And clearly, it should be short for "Grendle-peace," an international organization dedicated to improving relations between humans and large scary monsters that might eat them. Now, that's a cause I could get behind.

Do you want to do something really green for St. Patrick's? Boycott Piece.

Buckle your seatbelts...

I share Duck's concern about Ralph Nader entering the Presidential election, but I have a more basic question: what is he hoping to accomplish?! He knows he can't win, right? Heck, even in 2000 he didn't have a chance, and I am only just now learning that he ran in 2004.

If Nader really wants to show that people who feel marginalized can influence their government, what better way than to demonstrate that than to show that he himself can have a positive impact on our nation without running for President? I mean, let's face it, most of us will never have the chance to seriously run for any public office, let alone President. And Nader has done a lot of great things -- like advocating for consumer safety -- without being elected for the job. He can influence this election without running himself.

I agree with Nader that we need to break out of the two party system. But the way to do that is for viable third parties -- like the Greens -- to run serious candidates to win less glamorous offices. There are Greens on city councils and other local offices, and that's where they should be building support for their party. We need Greens at local levels: school boards, water reclamation districts, state representatives.

I guess the Republicans must be happy, though. If Hillary wins the Democratic nomination, they'll be 2 for 2!